Page 67 of Broken Desires
Eva gives me a look that’s equal parts exasperation and affection. “Maybe it is,” she admits, a soft seriousness settling over her features.
Poppy nods in agreement, her gaze steady on me. “We’re worried about you, Nessa. You’ve been… distant since we got back. And we know why, but you haven’t really talked about it.”
The mention of my distance and the reason behind it tightens something in my chest. It’s true; I’ve been keeping my feelings about leaving Liam and the entire ordeal tightly locked away, hoping if I don’t acknowledge them, they might somehow dissipate on their own.
Eva leans forward, her look gentle. “You don’t have to go through this alone, you know. We’re here for you, no matter what.”
The sincerity in her words and the concerned looks they’re both giving me crack the facade I’ve been trying so hard to maintain. They know me too well and understand the turmoil I’ve been trying to hide beneath a front of normalcy.
“I just… It’s hard,” I confess, the words feeling heavy and inadequate to express the emotions I’ve been navigating. “Thinking about him, about what I walked away from—it hurts. And I keep telling myself it was the right decision for both of us, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”
Poppy reaches over to squeeze my hand, a silent show of support. “It’s okay to hurt, Nessa. It’s okay to miss him. But you made a choice based on what you felt was best. That takes courage.”
“But you think I made a mistake?” I can see it in their eyes.
Poppy looks at Eva, who shrugs.
“Honestly? I don’t know,” Eva admits. “I mean, dealing with the whole royalty aspect, it’s overwhelming. Your situation with Liam—it’s uncharted territory for most of us. Just dealing with the attention from being with Cole is intense,” she laughs lightly, gesturing to her extravagant rings. “These could buy my dad’s house. So I can only imagine your feelings.”
“I love him, I really do. It’s just… there’s this constant chorus of voices saying we’re wrong for each other. Being with me, I know it’s only going to make his life more complicated.”
Eva nods, acknowledging the truth in my words. “It may be true, but at the heart of it, it’s about being with someone you love despite the complications. Whether it’s a king or a stupid billionaire, the principle is the same. It’s about figuring out if you can handle the extras that come with the person.”
Poppy chimes in, “And if those extras are worth it. You left because you thought they weren’t right for you, or at least, that’s what you felt at the moment. And that’s okay, Nessa. It’s okay to protect your peace.”
But my own insecurities bubble to the surface, casting long shadows over their supportive words. “It’s not just that,” I admit, my voice tinged with a vulnerability I seldom show. “I keep picturing the future, afraid he’ll realize I’m not what he wants after all. What if it’s all just passion, and it fades? I’m scared he’ll resent being stuck with me.”
The girls are silent for a few moments, like they can’t understand my words.
“How can you even think that? Don’t you see how amazing you are? You deserve love and happiness, Nessa. If anything, Liam should be the one pinching himself, wondering why you chose him!” Eva responds fervently.
Eva’s words strike a chord, giving me a fleeting sense of worth that battles the insecurities shadowing my heart. But it’s Poppy who brings me back to the crossroads I’m standing at. “But you’ve got to do what you feel is right,” she reminds me gently, her words a soft echo of my own thoughts.
“I think I need some time to see how things pan out with us being apart,” I confess with a nod, trying to mask the fear that this separation will only confirm I have no place in his life. The idea that after a month without me, I’ll become just a memory for him.
If that’s the case, then it’s because it was never meant to be. This is a mantra I repeat to dim the ache of missing him. Still, in those quiet hours of the night when sleep refuses to come, I can’t help but wonder about the life that might have been if I’d chosen to stay.
Breaking into my thoughts, Eva brings the conversation back to the present. “Anyway, that’s not why we’re here,” she says, trying to lighten the mood.
I can’t help but be skeptical. “Really?” I ask, one eyebrow raised.
“Okay, fine. It’s not the only reason we’re here. We’ve been overdue for a girls’ night, what with the wedding and everything…” she concedes with a playful eye roll.
Her words do their magic, lifting the heavy cloud that’s been hanging over me. The prospect of spending quality time with my friends, just letting go and having fun, is exactly what I need. “No rom-coms,” I hastily add, not ready to face anything that might remind me of my own love story.
“We wouldn’t dream of it,” Poppy assures me, already scrolling through her phone for our movie night options. “There are a few new horror films streaming. We can pick one. We’re staying the night, so we might as well get a good scare in together.”
The memory of us all huddled together in Eva’s bed after watching Annabelle, too scared to sleep alone, brings a genuine laugh to my lips. For tonight, at least, I can immerse myself in the comforting presence of my friends, finding solace in our shared laughter and screams. It’s a welcome distraction, a way to momentarily push aside the what-ifs and maybes and just be.
Life’s been on autopilot these past two weeks, steering clear of Danish news like it’s a craving I can’t give in to. Every day, it gets tougher not to check up on Alexander, to stop myself from just texting him. It’s my own decision to walk away that keeps me from doing so, knowing too well that reaching out could end in heartache. He could ignore me, which would hurt, or we could end up just friends, which somehow feels worse. Or he might still be hung up on me, making everything more complicated for both of us.
There’s no scenario where getting in touch seems right, but damn, do I miss him. Not just the romance but him. The person. I keep wanting to share the little things, like how I got this job at a sandwich shop, and I’m actually enjoying it. It’s straightforward work, but there’s something satisfying about it. Ms. Mina and my colleagues are great; they don’t fuss over me being deaf. Alexander was right—not everyone’s going to make my deafness the only thing about me.
But here I am, trying to keep him out of my thoughts, focusing instead on the job and the bits of new normalcy I’m carving out for myself. It’s a thin line to walk, missing him yet trying to move on, all while holding on to the reasons why I left.
Lost in my thoughts, I almost jump out of my skin when I find Cole stationed right outside my apartment door.
I can’t help but frown at his unexpected presence. “Your wife isn’t here. Did you do something stupid again?”