Page 84 of Capo
He stiffens. “Don’t touch me, if you know what’s best for you.”
“I’ve never known what’s best for me.”
Luciano grabs my hand and spins around, pulling me under him in one swift move. His body is heavy on mine as he leans close. “Is that so?” he growls.
“I barged into your office, didn’t I?” I gasp.
“You associated with bad men in your teens. ‘Christine’. You fascinate me.”
“It seems to be the theme of my life,” I say, out of breath. My body tingles everywhere it’s in contact with his. I’m oddly proud that he’s so taken by my sordid past.
“You’re a bad girl, Chloe. I smelled it on you the day you set foot in my house. I know you checked me out, all those years ago, back when David was in your care. Danger tugs at you, doesn’t it? Does it make your heart beat faster, your adrenaline flow? Does it make you high on life?”
“I don’t know,” I whimper.
He’s right. It does. Fucking hell, it really does. Salvatore’s darkness, mixing so confusingly with streaks of light, small windows when I see vulnerability and his love for David, pulls me to him. Most of the time when he’s hurt me, he hasn’t only hurt me. He’s set me alight in the most shameful ways, and I want more. I don’t want the hurt of that one time when he beat me, but he’s shown me in more ways than one since then how sorry he is.
He’s awoken a need in me I didn’t know I had, and he knows. Of course, he knows.
“Yeah, you do,” he growls and falls heavier on me, burying his face in my neck. His hot breath makes shivers run down my spine and it’s getting harder to breathe. “Mmm,” he moans. “You smell so good.”
Then it’s like all air leaves him and he falls on his side, pulling me with him. His gaze becomes distant and his face contorts in pain again. I don’t know why I know it, but he’s not going to hurt me tonight. He’s crossed the ocean to be with me. I can’t fathom it. It shouldn’t feel even the slightest good, but my heart swells. Yes, I am pulled to him. Like he said. I’m mortified that he took notice, but I’m not surprised. Nothing seems to slip by him. Yes, I was attracted, mesmerized by this tall, dark, mysterious man. Then he broke me. Turned his cruel side to me. Luciano Salvatore has made me feel every emotion there is. Everything between the deepest hate and the most depraved lust. Longing, warmth, safety. Everything but love.
Until tonight.
Tonight, there’s no cruelty in him. I sense deep, raw mourning, honest despair. Tonight, he’s a human who has experienced loss, and I suspect more loss than this Elena. I think of Ivan, the gentle giant who I know must be close to Luciano. I think of his nephew, Christian even though I really don’t want to think of him, but it must feel horrible for this mob boss who’s clinging on to me tonight, as if for dear life.
He’s made me feel every emotion on earth except for love, but tonight my heart can’t make the distinction as it breaks for him. I ache, and I don’t know what it means. I just want him back from this void. I want the man, the crazy, dominant, dangerous, unhinged, confused and lonely man. This broken person scares me more.
“I’m sorry,” I say and caress his cheek. “I’m sorry for your loss. No one deserves to lose a friend.”
“Not even me?” There’s a hint of hostility in his voice. He’s building a wall, protecting himself from my rejection. He’s afraid.
“Not even you, Luci.”
I gasp when he pulls me tight, almost crushing me in his strong arms. He rests his chin on the top of my head and I’m lost in the scent of him, in his heat, his rapidly beating heart against mine. “I’m sorry, Chloe,” he mumbles, so quietly that I have to strain to hear him. “I’m so sorry. You never deserved this. Any of this.”
I don’t know how to respond. It’s impossible to say that it’s all right. What he has done will never be all right. Still I don’t want to break loose from his hold. I’ve come to crave him. It frightens me. No, it doesn’t. It should frighten me if I had any sense, but I think sense left me a long time ago.
Luciano doesn’t speak again. Neither do I. Just like when he held me after the assault, like when he cleaned me up in the shower, I feel strangely safe in his arms. Content. I snuggle closer, sniff him. His breathing changes after a while. It’s soothing and my eyelids get heavier.
I wake from the sun shining mercilessly in my eyes. I forgot to pull the curtains closed. There’s an immediate sense of loss, and then I realize he’s gone. I don’t even have to look. I know the house is empty and that he’s left Sicily. The fight back home isn’t over. My heart skips a beat. I should have pled for my brothers! I’m so stupid!