Page 35 of The P*ssy Next Door

His nerves were sweet and lovable, and somehow had my own rearing their ugly head. I knew I was the more experienced one here, but I'd only been with two other guys before him. I didn't want him to have some unrealistic expectations about what he was about to see and what would happen. “But you know how you said you've been watching porn to, you know, get ready for this?”

“Yeah.” A dash of pink flashed under each of his cheekbones. I hadn't meant to make him feel abashed about that. This was about my hang-ups. No, that wasn’t quite right. I wasn’t ashamed of what I looked like, of my body. But I also knew that the world was a judgy place, and I might as well set the right expectations from the start. Because the sooner I did, the sooner I could get over it and... get under Hayes.

And I really, really wanted to be with him. Here goes.

“Under this dress is not the body of a porn star. I've got stretch marks and a squishy belly and my boobs haven't been perky since I was twelve.” I didn’t mean for that to sound like a warning label about what I looked like. It's not like I wanted to warn him off.

We were so opposite, and I didn't know if I actually believed in the whole opposites attract thing. There was this tiny part inside of me that wasn't ready to believe that the sexy, over-achieving, celebrity, sports star was attracted to the flighty, chubby, bookworm with only a semi-permanent job.

That mean girl’s voice inside my head asked what he was doing with a girl like me.

I didn't want to think that way. But I had to admit, after years of feeling like a failure at school, with my family, even friends, I did not fulfill society's expectations on most things. My body just being one. So far Hayes hadn't seemed to care about any of my shortcomings. But would this be the thing that put that disappointed look in his eyes?

I'd seen it before. My whole life. I never met anyone's expectations. Maybe this would set the right one so no one was disappointed.

“I don't want a porn star, Willa. I want you.” I looked anywhere but at him. He pushed a hand into my hair and didn't let me turn my face away. Hayes the one challenging my presumptions now. “Porn and the bodies in it are nothing more than a fantasy. I'm much more interested in reality, especially the reality of you, in my bed, right here, right now.”

I closed my eyes. “You haven't seen the real me yet.”

“Haven't I?” He said that unlike a question, and it made my eyes pop open and stare up and him. There was this sparkle in his eyes like firecrackers on New Year's Eve. And that was the opposite of disappointment.

He didn't mean he'd seen my body. When no one else paid attention, he did. Hayes Kingman saw... me. And he still wanted me.

I didn't always like what I saw in the mirror, I don't think any woman did. But being a big girl living in an Ozempic world, the expectations were that I needed to change because my body wasn't worthy of love the way it was. That was almost unbearable and a reality I rejected.

The absolute lust for me in Hayes’s eyes made those particular insecurities flee the scene. If he could look at me this way, I could rethink how I looked at myself.

My chest contracted and I forgot how to breathe.

So I didn't. Instead I kissed him and wrapped my legs around his waist. Who needed to breathe anyway?

MAKE ME BEG

HAYES

Awilling Willa wasn't good enough. I wanted, needed, craved a Willa who didn't keep a part of herself back. She was still seeing the roadblocks between us when all I saw was how incredible we were going to be together.

But if she wasn't ready to let go with me, I'd just have to work harder to get her there. It was enthusiastic consent or nothing.

Well, maybe not absolutely nothing.

She had practically stripped me, after all. And I might die if I didn't get to see every inch of her body immediately if not sooner. Nobody wanted me to die right before the game against Florida. So I'd better do my damnedest to figure out what was holding her back.

“Tell me what you like, Willa.” I kissed my way down her throat, shoving the straps of her dress aside, loving every bit of the taste of her skin. “Show me what will make you feel good.”

She ran her fingers through my hair, and her voice was so soft and breathy it made me ache with needing her. “Anything you do will be great, I'm sure.”

“No, no.” I lifted my head and stared right into her eyes so she could see how serious I was. “This is all about you, making you comfortable enough to relax and have some fun with me.”

“First of all, I am having fun.” That soft tone was gone, and there was an edge to her voice now. Either I was in trouble, or I was doing exactly the right thing. God, I hoped I didn't fuck this up.

I glanced down at the way her hands were alternating between balling up into a fist and stretching her fingers out. She shoved them under her back and smirked at me like I'd caught her doing something she shouldn't. “And what do you mean this is all about me? You're the one about to lose your virginity.”

“Hmm.” Was that really what this was all about? I didn't think so. “I told you that wasn't important to me, but if it is to you, then we can talk about that.”

“I don't want to talk, I want you to...” She waved her hand around in a let's get a move on motion.

Not sure what I'd done to make her think this was a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am situation. If it was because of the dudes in her past, I'd find them all and... I'd love to beat the shit out of them, but it would be better for the whole world if I subjected them to sex advice from Trixie's mom, the porn star turned sex positivity guru.