Page 81 of The P*ssy Next Door

Xander and I protested, which was the first thing we agreed on in forever. But Dad was insistent. Somehow, he talked us into squeezing into the ridiculous suits.

We faced off, circling each other warily. Then, with a grunt, Xander charged. And when I say charged, I mean wobbled toward me. So I did the same.

This was ridiculous.

We collided, bouncing off each other and landing on our backs on the ground.

As we struggled to right ourselves, Xander totally lost it and yelled at me.

“Why do you always get to do whatever you want?” Xander yelled and tried to take a swing at me from the ground. “No expectations, no pressure. You have no idea what it's like to have everyone watching your every move, waiting for you to screw up.”

What? I managed to get to my feet, and I used my best move of sitting on him, which sent me rolling ass over head into the grass again. “No expectations? The whole fucking world has expectations of me, Xander. I'm supposed to be pretty and thin, be smarter and get good grades, and a good daughter, and a good sister. You think it was easy for me? All I ever did was watch from the sidelines while you became the golden boy. I was never good enough for anyone.”

I’d made peace that I wasn’t ever going to fit society’s expectations of what I should look like, and decided I, me, myself would like what I looked like. That was hard, and my perfect older brother would never get it.

Xander rolled until he bumped into me. “First of all, brat, you are pretty, you’re more creative than anyone I know which also means you’re smart, and who the fuck cares if you're thin?”

Half a point to Xan for the sincerity in his voice saying I was pretty and smart. But minus a thousand points for not noticing the bias against anyone not the Hollywood standard size and shape.

“The whole goddamn world cares, oh oblivious one. Especially when my brother is the star athlete. Do you even know how I got teased for being the chubby, dumb sister?”

I pulled up the mean girl voice in my head that was a conglomeration of every asshole who'd ever said anything cruel to me. “Guess your brother got all the good genes, huh? Looks like your brother got all the smarts, dumbass. I bet you were supposed to be triplets but you ate the other one in the womb, didn't you? Too bad you weren't a zombie, you could have eaten the brains too.”

Xander didn't move. “What the fuck, beanie. Why didn't you tell me?”

“A, if you call me beanie, or Willabean, ever again, I will suffocate you with the naked sumo wrestler ass of this suit.” I hit him in the face with my puffy arm just to emphasize that point. “And B, what would you have done if I told you? People are mean and judgy. That's the reality of the world.”

He tried to sit up, but at this point, that was an impossibility for either of us. “I would have beat the daylights out of anyone who said shit like that to you.”

He didn't know. He really didn't know. “You were going to beat up half your teammates? All the cheerleaders? Our math teacher? Mom?”

“Jesus, bean... Willa.” He was quiet for a minute, and yeah, I wasn't going to help him by saying it was all okay. Because it wasn't. I just let my reality sink in for a minute. He laid his head back in the grass. “I... I’m sorry all that happened to you. No wonder you got the hell out of here the second you could.”

I sighed and rolled on to my back to stare up at the blue Colorado sky. Because that would explain why my eyes were getting wet. “I ran away because I couldn't stand feeling like a disappointment all the time.”

Xan said something so quiet I almost didn't hear. “I always felt like a disappointment to you.”

I rolled to my side, and we stared at each other, chests heaving.

“Why would you think that?” I always supported him.

“You never cared about anything I did. Even at my games, which I know Mom forced you to go to, your nose was always stuck in a book.”

Well, shit. I didn't hide that I wasn't the biggest fan of football. I honestly didn't think that affected Xander in the slightest. Maybe I needed to rethink how I'd acted too.

“I'm sorry,” I said, my voice rough. “I never meant to make you feel that way.”

“I just... I wanted you to be proud of me too.” He emphasized that you. “It's why it felt like a fucking slap in the face when you started dating Hayes. He's the only one better than me. I saw you at the Sharks game. You were having fun cheering him on.”

“I am proud of you, Xan. I always have been. But dating Hayes doesn't have anything to do with... you. He's sweet, and sexy, and he loves me, faults and all.”

“Of course he fucking does. Everyone loves you, Willa. Or if they don't, they're fucking missing out.”

Dad came over from the sidelines where he'd been watching, letting us fight this out, his eyes misty. “I'm so sorry, kids. I'm sorry that all these expectations you thought you had to live up to hurt you so much. I'm insanely proud of the adults you've become despite the bullshit you both endured.”

Xan and I glanced at each other. I'm not sure either of us had ever heard Dad talk like this.

“And I'm very sorry you couldn't come to me with your struggles. That ends today. I am here for you no matter what.”