Page 38 of Ice Cold Heart
“We agreed on the distance.”
“No, you dictated the distance, and I let it slide. I’m done with you pushing me away though. Is he the reason you left your last school?”
“Yes.” I answered the easy question, hoping it would satisfy him, but I should have known better. Cole was on a mission.
“Tell me what he did.”
Out of habit, I didn’t answer, but Cole simply waited. I didn’t know why I was making a big deal out of the situation. Lots of girls got cheated on, lots of girls had shitty mothers. I didn’t need to shroud everything in secrecy, especially not to Cole. He’d figure it out eventually anyway.
I blew out a breath and gave in, at least to the harmless parts of the story. “My ex, Scott, was perfect when I first met him. Funny, cute, laughed at my jokes, didn’t push, loved my mom.”
A furrow formed between Cole’s dark brows at my emphasis, but he didn’t interrupt.
“We were together for two years, and over that time, he slowly transformed into an asshole. A little request here, a little gaslighting there. Are you sure you want to wear that? Wouldn’t you rather spend time with me than tutoring?”
“Why’d you stay with him if you were unhappy?”
I shook my head, losing myself a bit in the memories. “I didn’t realize I was unhappy. It was just normal for me. You have to understand my mom only cares about her own pleasure, and often, mine got in the way. I was fed and clothed and educated, but I was an accessory. Happiness didn’t rate anywhere on that list.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“Thank you, but I put in the work with an excellent therapist she paid for to move past it.”
“But not far enough to avoid dating someone just like her?”
The truth hit me square in the chest, and though I’d toyed with the idea, hearing it said out loud made the ugly reality so much worse. “Apparently not.”
Cole slipped his arm around me and gently pulled me closer, stroking my back. “Why didn’t you leave her?”
“She’s a professor at my old school, so I got free tuition. I just wanted to finish my degree and get out from under her thumb. So much of my life was centered around her out of necessity. She always talked about how people couldn’t be trusted—especially men, especially my dad—so I didn’t feel like I had anywhere to go without starting all over. But she liked Scott. He always deferred to her. The sad part is I wasn’t even considering breaking up with him, despite seeing a therapist twice a month about my toxic mother. We never talked about my toxic boyfriend.”
“What happened?” he asked again, pairing it with the brush of his lips against my temple.
“I was supposed to be at the newspaper office, but there was a problem with the system, so I came home early. Scott’s car was in the driveway. I walked in on him balls deep in my mom on the living room couch.”
“Holy shit,” he mumbled.
“Yeah, it was a shock, but I wasn’t really surprised my mom would go after something she thought I loved. Scott should have fucking known better. I crashed at a co-worker’s place, and came here the next day to talk to my dad for the first time in twelve years.”
So smooth I barely noticed, Cole eased me into a hug. I’d missed out on a lot of physical comfort in my life, and his arms wrapped around me felt so good. Being strong and constantly rebuilding walls to keep myself safe was exhausting. I just wanted to lean for a little while. One minute—one minute wouldn’t hurt. It didn’t have to mean anything. With my excuses firmly in place, I curled my hands between us and let my head rest against his chest.
“I admit, that was more fucked up than I expected, but I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
He was wrong. I did trust him. Talking to him was easy, and I never wanted him to stop holding me, which was the problem. I could feel myself teetering on the edge of deeper feelings, and I was twisting myself into all kinds of knots to keep from falling.
With a shaky breath, I backed away and grabbed his lit book. “Story time’s over. Let’s get your reading out of the way.”
“I’m going on record to say if I ever come face to face with your ex, he’s going to be really unhappy with his life choices.”
“I’m sure he already regrets many things.” I didn’t mention my revenge article or Scott’s repeated texts and calls. No reason to give Cole more ammunition. I gestured to his closed door, but Cole sat on his bed and patted the spot next to him.
“Might as well be comfortable.”
I rolled my eyes, ignoring the skip in my belly. “If you can’t pay attention, we’re moving back to the couch.”
He held out his pinky, like he had the first day in the library. “Promise.”