Page 71 of Ice Cold Heart
“Yeah, I’m confused too,” I said to her, drowning in the competing urges to run as fast as I could but also stay here forever.
She didn’t respond, only went back to staring at the opposite door as if she could open it with her thoughts. I got my ass in gear and hurried down the stairs before I changed my mind.
None of his roommates were around, a blessing because I wasn’t in any state to talk to other people. I made it all the way to my car before the tears started. Why did it have to be tonight? Why couldn’t Cole just let me be with him and keep things simple until the hockey stuff blew over?
I snorted out a wet laugh. What a joke. The hockey stuff will never blow over. Cole was right that there would never be a right time to admit to my dad I went behind his back—or a right time to admit to Cole I was pretty sure I was in love with him.
If I told him, it would change everything. It would give him the power to manipulate and control me. To hurt me.
What did it say about me that love scared me more than the serial killer I knew was hiding out in Addison somewhere? At least I knew what to do when faced with a serial killer.
Across the street, Mrs. Lipnicki’s door opened, and she leaned out with a frown. “Are you okay, honey?”
I sniffled and smiled at her. When she didn’t seem convinced, I added a wave and started the car. The last thing I needed was her calling Cole about the distraught girl crying in front of his house. Then again, with Reece living here, I couldn’t possibly be the first.
She stayed outside, watching me, until I turned the corner. I couldn’t decide if she was worried about me or if I’d been added to her hooligan list. Probably both.
It hit me on the short drive home I wasn’t truly mad at Cole. He was fighting for me. His steadfast belief in us made a pretty rock-solid foundation for a relationship. If only I could get to the same point. Yes, he sort of insulted me, but fuck, I was running, wasn’t I?
Who runs from a kind, smart, loyal, hot as hell hockey player who wants to build a future with them? Me. That’s who. Because I can’t imagine loving someone without being punished for it.
Anger started to build again, but this time aimed directly at Scott and my mom. They’d fucked me up enough for a lifetime of relationship issues, but Cole was willing to take me on anyway. And I’d told him I couldn’t trust him.
My phone buzzed with an incoming message as I pulled into my driveway, and when I saw the unknown number, I was pissed enough to read it.
Unknown number: I have some interesting information about your rebound. Meet me at the Kappa party tonight.
Well, I had some information too. I’d fallen in love with the one guy my dad asked me to stay away from. Nothing he could say would top the shock of discovering I was on the verge of having everything I wanted, and my reaction was to burn it all down.
Scott was probably making a big deal out of nothing to get my attention. What was he doing in Addison anyway? I’d tried ignoring him for months, but he wasn’t getting the message. Maybe I should try telling him to his face how much I’m done with his sorry ass.
The whispers of fear I’d felt before were long gone. Any influence Scott used to have over me had disappeared under the weight of a real relationship with someone who truly cared about me. Loved me?
Guys didn’t basically propose to someone they weren’t even dating without getting the L-word involved. Cole hadn’t said as much, but I’d basically cut him off at the knees and run away. I winced as I climbed out of the car.
Fuck. I was a mess.
Cole was one hundred percent right, and I was an asshole. I’d thrown his feelings back in his face, and I wouldn’t blame him if he ended up dropping me. When Dad found out I’d lied to him and started a relationship with Cole, he’d probably decide I wasn’t worth the trouble after all too. At this rate, Marco would de-friend me for stupidity alone.
As much as Cole’s revelation scared me, a fluttery, little ball of excitement grew in my belly. I’d approached him at the library all those months ago because I was hurting and wanted to prove good guys didn’t exist. Instead, Cole had slowly but surely gotten inside my defenses.
He was the real thing.
I couldn’t go back though. They were playing Easton again in, I checked my watch, less than eighteen hours. If tonight was any indication, I still had some shit to work through, and I didn’t want to subject Cole to the chaos. They’d barely won tonight’s game.
Cole had said he wouldn’t give up. I’d have to trust him—I did trust him—to wait, and I needed to finally get some closure. Against my better judgment, I responded to Scott for the first time since walking in on him with my mom.
Me: I’ll be there.
I wasn’t stupid though, so I texted Marco next to meet me as backup.
28
Parties were never my thing, but I wasn’t half bad at blending into them. They were often the best places to get information since everyone there was drunk or high or both. I’d changed into a cropped sweater and jeans over my favorite boots, adding a layer of red to my lips.
Kappa house was packed. The room was dark except for a strobe thing and a couple of multi-colored party lights. Loud music pounded out a beat with no lyrics as far as I could tell, but people still danced to it in a writhing mass. Nothing about this place was my scene. The scent of weed fought with floral perfume and body odor, giving me a headache, and I wondered if this was yet another mistake in a night full of them.
Marco was supposed to meet me inside, but I couldn’t see four feet in front of me let alone across the room. He was probably taller than most of the people here, but the only guys who stood out were Tobias Kane and a couple of his buddies holding court by the couches.