Page 59 of The Unseelie Wish

I love him.

Did it change things? She didn’t think so. She loved him, but she didn’t love him enough to doom hundreds of thousands of fae and humans—if not millions—to death at the hands of the bloodthirsty Valroy.

But it felt like it changed things. She just didn’t know how.

Shit. Just—shit. Monkey-fucking, donkey-sucking shit. What was she supposed to do? They probably only had hours to live. So, great—awesome—she loved him. For less than it would take to watch an extended edition of a Lord of the Rings movie. Fantastic.

Gods, she wished she could just get hammered and forget everything. But there was no chance of that. She needed to have her wits when they went into the Maze and tried to kill a demigod who would inevitably mop the floor with them.

But there was one question eating away at her—no pun intended.

Should she tell Izael?

There was no telling how he’d react. No predicting what his response would be. Sure, she could figure he’d be happy about it, but what then?

It was one thing to use her wish and force herself to love him. Even he understood, despite his arguments to the contrary, that it wasn’t the same thing. It was another thing if she legitimately, honestly loved him.

Would he still agree to a suicide mission?

Or would he change his mind, deciding against it and trying to cook up some other new scheme in its place? There was only twenty-four hours-ish remaining to their original deal. It wasn’t much time to come up with some new evil scheme, but she wouldn’t put it past Izael to come up with some worse plot.

Not to mention, it felt…cruel. Telling him that someone loved him right before he died. It felt needlessly mean to him. Like it was taunting him somehow. Congratulations, after hundreds of years you’re finally loved by someone! Collect your door prize. You’re dead now.

Luckily for her, Izael likely mistook her dour and strained expression as her dreading what they were about to do. Not that she was suddenly hiding some enormous secret from him.

Things were even more complicated than that, though. What would he do when it came time for her to use her wish to love him—and he discovered she was lying? She couldn’t wish for something that was already there, right?

That would mean she’d be put at a crossroads. Either she admitted she loved him already, so the wish was a lie for that reason, or she claimed she really didn’t want to love him, and therefore the wish was a lie.

The latter was beyond cruel. The former was dangerous.

“I’ve made up my mind.”

She blinked out of her thoughts, looking over at the snake who had just finished devouring a whole cow like a t-rex. It took her a second to realize what he’d just said. “About?”

He sat back in the chair. He was in human form, once more impeccably dressed. She had opted for something more comfortable to die in—black pants, a dark purple tank top, and a black long-sleeve fishnet shirt pulled over it. It was nice of him to just magic up clothing for her.

With a deep exhale, he stared down at the plate in front of him that only had smears of steak juice left on it. “You do not have to use your wish before we go to the Maze.”

Turning her chair to face him, she was dumbfounded for a second. Thrilled—relieved—it solved the problem she was just realizing she had. But it wasn’t like him. “Why? I mean. Thanks, but why?”

“Two reasons. First, I stand at the precipice of going to my grave, knowing the person I love will die with me. If Valroy kills you first, I will have to watch you die. I—I think that alone might kill me.” He grimaced, obviously imagining the sight. It clearly sickened him. “I do not want you to suffer the same. This is hard enough without you knowing the one you love will die.”

Yeah. I’m just realizing that. But she kept that to herself. Reaching out, she took his hand. It was the least she could do if she couldn’t be honest with him.

“And second—your soul. I will return to Tir n’Aill. I will become one with all this.” He gestured half-heartedly at the night sky and the surrounding woods. “You, though? I don’t know what’ll happen when you die if your soul is my property. I think it would be released to wherever you naturally would go. But I can’t guarantee that.”

Frowning, she squeezed his hand. She let him finish his thoughts without her breaking into it.

“I do not want you to be trapped in a world that has cost you your life. Even if you wouldn’t realize it, as your consciousness would be gone—it seems wrong to me. You should be free. Perhaps, just perhaps, your soul will live on. The songbird I adore could be reborn in another life, where I will be scattered and all that makes me who I am is stripped away.” He shut his eyes, looking as though he was on the edge of tears. His hand tightened in hers. “I want to give you the chance to exist. Somewhere, someway.” With a wavering inhale, he let the last words out in a rush. “Even if it will be without me.”

Her heart shattered into pieces like blown glass and fell to the proverbial ground. Getting up, she wordlessly straddled his lap, facing him, and kissed him. She couldn’t take it. Couldn’t take the look of pain on his face. The agony in his voice. The sheer loneliness.

Meeting her kiss, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug and pulled her close. It wasn’t passionate—it wasn’t about sex or physical need. It was about love.

Overfull with emotions, she tucked her head onto his shoulder and fought the urge to cry as well. “Thank you, Izael.” She knew what it meant to thank him. And she also knew how valuable that was. How meaningful. She couldn’t tell him the truth—that she already loved him, and this was already going to be brutal for her—but she could do that much.

He kissed her temple. “You are welcome.”