Page 102 of Daddy's Pride

Would Jamie want to be my new boy?

Hope.

Something I’d shed long ago. I’d spent the last year reflecting, trying to figure out where things went wrong. What made me decide to go to Cordes tonight after all this time? No clue, but fate surely had a hand in it after I’d stopped and started to go many times.

Could I have another boy, or would it end in heartbreak, too?

I didn’t think I could survive that again.

Over the months following Dougie’s departure, I’d buried myself in work and volunteering. I’d donated more hours with the mobile spay-and-neuter clinic than I could count. Don’t get me wrong, I was more than happy to do it, though when I came home each time the house was dead silent. How I longed for it to be filled with laughter and happiness.

Soul-crushing loneliness.

I should’ve seen Dougie’s departure coming. I was just as much at fault as he was. I failed him as a Daddy. Instead of talking about our issues, I stayed at the clinic well past closing knowing when I got home, he’d be asleep. For weeks I did this like a fucking coward. Meanwhile he took his Little time to the club and found a new Daddy.

How could I criticize him for that?

What in the world made me think the same wouldn’t happen with Jamie?

Just from our brief conversation during dinner I knew he’d had bad Daddies. Hell, if Dougie and I had overshared or even had a conversation at all, that would’ve helped us. Jamie’s oversharing was a non-issue for me.

Who was I kidding? Dougie and I were doomed to fail. Both searching for something we hoped to find in the other that probably wasn’t there. This was a case where the boy was smarter than the Daddy. Dougie had enough, packed his bags, left me a note and was gone before I got home.

And I’d moped ever since.

Wow, and I called myself a Daddy.

I was anything but.

Opening the door to this room gave me pause, but only momentarily. As I stood here, taking in the nearly empty space I thought, I wonder what kinds of toys Jamie likes? Dinosaurs? Cars? He played both with Henry at the club. Animals. I envisioned him curled up with numerous stuffed friends, his big blue eyes peeking out between them. Would he suck his thumb? Use a binky? He was so tiny it’d be easy to lose him beneath a mound of stuffies. How adorable would that be?

A game of hide and seek until his snickering led me to his location. I’d sneak up and tickle him into a breathless giggle fit. Dougie and I never played like that. How was it that I saw these acts so clearly with a boy I hardly knew? I admit to my mistakes with Dougie but maybe I’d matured enough to deserve a boy such as Jamie.

Dougie would color or play with cars but grew bored fast, then he’d get into things to get my attention. Would Jamie be the same way?

Comparing them wasn’t fair, especially when I knew very little about Jamie.

Time to change that.

I backed out of the once depressing room that I now saw with a fresh set of eyes and pictured a certain sweet boy playing on the floor. Sliding the phone from my pocket, I fired off a text.

Me: Happy Saturday, Jamie. What are you up to?

He’d mentioned having to work today when I read his bedtime story last night, though I didn’t ask what hours. Could be a while before I heard from him, no use making myself nuts awaiting a reply. A potential new boy needed his own outfits and toys. With that thought, I was off to my home office for a bit of online shopping, though the voice in my head warned me not to put the cart before the horse.

I wondered if he’d like to go to the San Diego Zoo or SeaWorld or for that matter. Maybe both. We could take a week off and spend it traipsing around San Diego. It’d been so long since I’ve been there. Sun, surf, and sand, what a great trip it would be.

And I was off and running, ignoring that niggling voice.

I fell down the wormhole of a fabulous site I hadn’t been on in far too long and bookmarked way too many things for Jamie when my phone vibrated beside me.

“Hello, sweet boy, how was your day?”

With a heavy sigh, Jamie replied, “We were so busy, Daddy T, and my feet hurt.” The whine in his voice nearly had me grabbing my keys to go take care of him only I realized I had no clue where he lived.

“I’m so sorry you had a rough day, is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, I’m gonna shower and pack my bag.” I could hear him opening and closing drawers, I assumed gathering his clothes.