Page 145 of Daddy's Pride
Her friend put her plate down, and took her hands in hers. “No no, lovely, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I just worry that you’re going to get burnt out by taking on too many things. How often are you thinking of running it?”
“Once a month, and I’ve organized loads of events for work, so I don’t think this will be all that different. We’re going to keep it small to start with, so just a handful of vendors—probably around ten-ish—and some talks and maybe a demo or two.”
Isla’s eyes just kept getting wider as Rachel spoke.
The jubilance dipped a little more.
“I…” She sighed. “I know I have a lot on my plate, but I need something to make me smile. I haven’t been smiling all too much recently, and my Little barely comes out at all!”
Isla squeezed her hands. “Oh sweetheart, I should have?—”
“No, it’s not your job!” said Rachel fiercely. “I’m a grown woman and I need to be able to look after myself. I just need to get better at it, is all. And this would be an act of self-care, truly.”
Susie and Isla looked uncertain at that last statement, but Rachel knew she was right. Okay, so she sometimes took on slightly too much. She could blame her ADHD, and the fact that new, shiny ideas took her fancy on a daily basis. But the thing was that she just had too much work to do, all of the time, and taking time off wasn’t really an option.
Sitting at home, feeling blank, cowering under the shadow of her towering to do list, hadn’t helped in any way whatsoever. In fact, it made everything worse. So Rachel was doing life the only way she knew how: by filling up every spare slot in her calendar with hobbies, socializing and new projects.
And this was the best new project idea she’d had in a very long time.
The thing was that, even in the kink scene, Littles often felt left out. She’d been to some ageplay munches, but she’d never felt entirely right. Sitting down and talking to a load of strangers had never really been her comfort zone, and all she’d wanted to do was go Little and play, but even the Littles had been in Bigspace. That had been a crushing disappointment. She’d cried on Isla’s shoulder over that.
She’d tried some Little meetups, but those had felt like pickup spaces, and that had left her feeling icky. One guy had made a creepy comment about her, when Rachel’d said she was gay. The organizers said that they were going to have words with him, but she got the impression that that was all it was going to be—words.
Littles deserved a safe space, and that included all Littles—including queer Littles and poly Littles. And if she couldn’t find a space that welcomed her, well she was just going to have to make it herself.
So yes, Isla was probably right in that this was a bit of a risky endeavor; it was going to be hard work, but Rachel wasn’t scared of hard work. She thrived on it.
Grinning at Isla and Susie, Rachel took a sip of water, and then continued. “I need this. I need to know that there is a space where queer Littles feel welcomed; where they’re not just fantasy material for a male Daddy Dom with a big ego and hardly any experience. I know that I have my friends, but not everyone is as lucky as I am.”
Isla leaned over and squeezed her hand. “I get it, Rach, I really do. And I think you’ll do a great job.”
“Yeah,” added Susie. “I love the idea, and I know that you and Cat will work together to build a really ethical event. I’m excited to see it come to fruition.”
Rachel looked between them, and nodded. “It means that I’m going to have to do a lot of Big time, and as I’m running the event, I won’t be able to go Little myself there either, but it’s about community. I want to build this for my community.”
Leaning back on the rattan couch, she sighed.
All the exciting, spur of the moment yay new project energy was slowly dissipating, and she noted anxieties and fears creeping in. They were just at the very edges of her mind, tiny baby brain snakes, if you will, but she knew what would happen if she fed them. They’d grow and take over every available space in her brain, and she’d end up stressed and burnt out and sad.
Isla leaned over and ruffled her hair. “Come on, Rach, don’t look like that. You’ve got this. You’re a badass and you regularly do things I wasn’t expecting. I’m always so impressed by you.”
That made her smile. Isla, the most organized and put-together person she knew, impressed by her? Well, that was beyond sweet of her to say, even if Rachel couldn’t begin to fathom how it could be true.
Chapter Three
Fuck.
Rachel had that look in her eyes, the look that Isla recognized as precipitating way too many stressful nights.
She wasn’t lying. Rachel really did astound her. For some reason, Rachel thought that she wasn’t very smart, even when all the evidence available proved otherwise. And when Rachel felt like that, there was something in Isla that just couldn’t let it go.
She wasn’t sure what it was exactly. Maybe it was just the fact that the two of them had been through so much. They’d done a lot of growing up together, even if they hadn’t grown up together. Rachel had cried on Isla’s shoulder over shitty exes more times than she could count. And for some reason, some awful reason, Rachel had internalized their awful behavior to the point where sometimes Isla had to just sit her down and bluntly tell her otherwise.
You’re not a bad person.
You’re not a disaster zone.
You’re not a chaotic mess.