Page 45 of Broken Wheels

He was looking at my ass?

Then he shoved the thought aside. It was a figure of speech—a weird one—but whatever.

Once they were airborne, Josh took a moment to reflect on Michael’s invitation. That had been a pleasant surprise. Josh hadn’t been able to see Michael or Gary much, what with his watchdog at his heel all the time.

But he’s such a nice watchdog.

All it took was the thought of asking if he wanted a bone, and Josh’s mind was off on new tangents.

Until the previous night, Josh’s thoughts had harbored on all the things Dixon had done for him. How Dixon smiled at him. How Dixon was there every morning to meet him.

Josh couldn’t get Dixon out of his head.

I’m grateful to him, that’s all it is.

Then why did the thought of seeing Dixon naked keep coming back to torment him over and over again?

It was more than gratitude. He wasn’t simply appreciative of the effort Dixon had put into being there for him—he’d started to look forward to seeing Dixon, especially when he stopped by the lab. He didn’t say much, but Josh took note of his big, solid presence.

He’d started to catalog things about Dixon and add them to a file on his pad. His deep, rich laughter. His eyes that never seemed to miss anything. His hands, big but dexterous. His confident walk, as if he owned the world.

It was those things that had Josh questioning his feelings. Never in his life had he been in love. Always too busy, too scatterbrained, too detached. But after the day he finally realized how Dixon had been helping him, Josh seemed to notice more and more about him. He couldn’t explain how much having Dixon around—around him—meant. Josh had been told countless times by many people that he needed to take time to stop and smell the roses, and he’d always frowned at that, because why would he need to sniff some flowers?

Now? He wanted to see what it would be like to walk with Dixon. To have Dixon take his hand and stroll through the fragrant plants Gary had installed when CrossBow was built. To do it at night, when the skies above were awash with stars.

To know what it felt like to get a kiss he actually wanted.

Maybe it was the adrenaline rushes of the last few weeks, but Josh knew he could have died in that mall explosion. That had brought something home to him, a sharp realization that wouldn’t leave him.

I don’t want to die a virgin.

He’d never cared before about dying a virgin. It was only a word. Then Dixon had come into his life. He’d shown Josh that he was liked and appreciated. More than that, he’d shown Josh he cared, which was more than most people had ever done.

And suddenly Josh’s virgin status bothered him. So much so that he wanted his first—and maybe only—encounter to be with Dixon.

Though it was only circumstantial evidence at best, Josh believed Dixon had been watching him with more than bodyguard intensity. And what about last night? He was sure he’d heard Dixon’s sharp intake of breath when Josh couldn’t bite back the moan of his orgasm.

What shocked him was he’d liked the idea. He’d enjoyed the notion that Dixon had taken pleasure in listening to him.

He likes me. Except it was more than mere liking, if Josh’s scientific analysis was correct. There was the way Dixon’s nostrils flared when Josh was near him. The widening of his eyes, coupled with the expansion of his pupils. All of those things speak toward Dixon liking me, right?

And all of them reduced Josh to a nervous wreck.

What if he’d read the signs wrong?

What if there hadn’t been signs at all, and it was just his own wishful thinking?

What if I’m seeing all this in Dixon because it’s what I want to see?

This was so far outside of Josh’s comfort zone. Science had gotten him to this point, but what if he was reading the data wrong? Would he lose Dixon as a friend?

That was unacceptable. Josh didn’t have many, so he couldn’t afford to alienate Dixon. Maybe it would be best to stay quiet.

No. I can’t do that. I have to know. There has to be something I can do that will tell me if I’m imagining all this.

When the idea came to him, he dismissed it as a crazy scheme, but it persisted, which kind of bothered him, because Josh didn’t do crazy.

Maybe a little bit of crazy is exactly what this situation needs.