Page 56 of Broken Wheels
They didn’t drill him into the mattress either.
Warmth became heat as he recalled Dixon doing exactly that, not once but twice.
Then he realized Dixon expected a response, and he struggled to encapsulate the mess of emotions and thoughts in his head in coherent sentences.
“Telling them opens up a can of worms I can never close again. Once I say the words, Gary, Michael, and you will have targets on your back.”
Dixon gave a soft smile and put a hand on Josh’s arm.
It was amazing how that simple touch soothed his nerves.
“What you fail to realize is that in our business, there will always be a target on us.” Dixon shrugged. “It’s the life we chose, and there’s no getting around that. Gary and me? We were in the military, so we’re used to it. Michael stood next to Gary, even when he had a chance to get out. And the three of us?” He moved closer. “We will never ever abandon our friend. You got that?”
“Yes,” Josh whispered, his chest tight. “Thanks.”
Dixon quirked an eyebrow. “For what?”
“Standing up for me?” He chuckled. “I just know I’m feeling thankful.”
Dixon jerked his head to the right, then the left. There were people wandering the hallway, many talking, some reading reports, others with a book in their hand. Then Josh found himself being propelled backward into a?—
He blinked as Dixon switched on the light and closed the door.
“What are we doing in a supply closet?” Then his heartbeat raced as Dixon closed the gap between them.
“Can I ask you something?”
Josh could smell the mixture of scents he’d come to associate with Dixon, a comforting smell that reminded him of Dixon’s bed. “Sure. Anything you want.” Maybe he’d draw the line at fucking in a closet.
Then again….
“This is going to be a personal question, so you don’t have to answer it, okay?”
Oh God. Josh nodded.
Dixon speared him with an intense gaze. “Has anyone in your life ever been at least halfway decent to you?”
That wasn’t a difficult question to answer. “My grandma.”
“Besides her?”
Okay, that wasn’t so easy.
“My parents weren’t awful. I mean, they didn’t kick me out when I told them I was gay. After the whole hacking thing, I think they couldn’t decide what to do with me anymore. I mean, what I did wasn’t violent, but it did cast them in a bad light. I think that was what hurt them the most.” Josh swallowed. “Their son was a criminal. It wasn’t the kind of news they’d want to share proudly with their friends, right? ‘Yeah, Josh stole a hundred thousand from Warren Buffett and sent it to an animal shelter.’” Dixon squeezed his shoulder, and Josh welcomed the connection. “They were ashamed of me, I think. Maybe that’s why they wanted me to be with Christopher. It would give me—but more importantly, them—an air of respectability. As my parents, they’d be invited to lavish parties at Christopher’s, and that would give them a doorway into other society events. Okay, so they didn’t have money, but there are more ways to get a foot in the door, isn’t that what they say?” The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. “After that, I never knew if someone liked me for me, or if there was an ulterior motive behind it.” He smiled. “At least that’s how I felt until I met you.”
Dixon’s face lit up, but then he grew serious. “Let me tell you something. If we move forward with our relationship—and before you ask, yes, I’d like to—I will sign any kind of agreement you put in front of me that says I want nothing from you.”
It took a moment for his words to sink in.
Josh gaped at him. “What? Why? Take it. I don’t care. You’ve seen my place. My lawyer—well, Grandma’s—told me I could get any house I wanted, so why did I want to continue living in what had been her apartment?” He gazed earnestly at Dixon. “It’s a reminder, I guess. I’ve seen what money can do to people—how it changes them—and I don’t want to change who I am. I like myself… mostly.” That earned him a chuckle. “Plus, Grandma lived the same way. She was frugal when it came to most things. She’d use a teabag twice to save money. She never ran the air-conditioning unless I was there. In the winter, she kept the heat to sixty-two degrees. She clipped coupons, for goodness’ sake. She also instructed her lawyer to donate wads of money. What she left me? That was only a fraction of what she had. The rest she donated.” Josh locked gazes with Dixon. “That’s who I want to be. Who I need to be.”
Dixon’s eyes shone. “You are a spectacular person, Doc. Never, ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Josh’s brain was still doing catch-up. “So we are moving forward with this? Us, I mean.”
The lingering kiss that followed was all the answer Josh required to ease some of the tumult inside his head.
Dixon’s phone buzzed, and he removed it from his pocket. He chuckled. “It’s from Michael. Did you get lost?” He smiled. “I think we’re wanted.”