Page 24 of Wandering in Love

“What do you need help with?” I ask him.

“Got some fence posts that need to be replaced before the next storm rolls in.”

I shrug. Perfect. “Alright. I’ll get them loaded into the truck. Which pasture?”

Will and I discuss where I’ll find the damaged ones. Looks like there’s a few here and there, all over the place. Changing fence posts is exhausting work but I’m looking forward to it. Will and I watch Eva climb up on Bandit and exit the barn. She’s muttering to him the entire way, something about stubborn-ass men.

Chapter Ten

EVA

The wind is bitter cold, biting at my cheeks. The gloves on my hands are better than nothing, but not by much. Bandit and I meander our way around the property, just needing to be out of the barn.

I wasn’t scheduled to work today, but after the clusterfuck that is my relationship with Ian, I needed to get lost. These fields have always calmed me. When I was hurting, I would come out here and the wind would help soothe the sting.

Over the hills, through the valleys, we wander until my stomach starts to growl. We’ve been out here for hours, the sun not strong enough to warm me, though I’ve been in the direct light most of the time.

By the time we get back to the barn, Bandit has steam raising off his body and needs a bit of a cool-down. I swing my leg over the saddle and hop down, glad there’s no one else around for the moment. These damn boys are going to be the death of me. Will is quickly starting to mean a lot to me. He’s becoming my friend, my sounding board. We flirt, but don’t mean anything by it. Ian wants everything, but I can’t give it to him. It’s not fair to saddle him with my problems. He deserves a whole package, and I’m just not it.

Bandit sucks down enough water to lower the water level in the trough before I move him inside. Tying his lead to the hook outside his stall, I get the saddle and pad off and set them on a wood horse to air out, then grab a brush for him. After a long day in the fields, I check him for bugs, running my hands down his legs, and checking his shoes.

“What am I going to do with these boys?” I ask him.

His only answer is a flick of his tail.

“How do I tell him? Huh? That it’s my fault he doesn’t have a family?” My eyes fill with tears, and a knot forms in my throat. I’m so tired of crying. So damn tired of it.

Flicking the tears away with the back of my hand. I straighten my spine and metaphorically pull on my big girl panties, since Ian ruined the ones I was wearing earlier.

I’ll talk to Momma first, come clean about all of it. Then Ian. I’ll air out all my dirty laundry.

After brushing Bandit, I let him drink more water, then put him in his stall for the night and head home. I borrowed Momma’s car to come over today, but I’m going to need to find something more permanent soon.

The kitchen light is on when I get back home, the comforting sent of melted cheese, tomato sauce and garlic wafting as I open the door. Smells like lasagna.

“Hey, Momma, can you talk for a minute?”

She turns away from the dishes she’s washing in the sink, drying her hands on the towel hanging from the oven door. “Of course.”

These kinds of conversations seem to always happen at the table, so I pull out my chair and sit. Momma follows me and pulls a chair out next to me.

“I’m sorry for the way I left.” I force my eyes to meet hers. “You deserved so much more.”

She reaches for me, giving my hand a squeeze. “Thank you.”

“I was scared. So damn scared.” I shake my head, swallowing past the knot once against clogging my throat. “I needed to know I could make it on my own.”

She squeezes my hand again, pulling my eyes back to her. “I understand better than you think. I did the same thing when I was pregnant with you. I ran from home.”

Momma never talks about her life before me. I’ve never heard anything about my grandparents or my father.

“My momma and poppa were good people. Strict, but good.” She takes a deep breath. “I got pregnant right out of high school. I thought he loved me, but when I told him I was pregnant, he called me a liar and dumped me.”

My heart hurts for her. Ian never would have said that to me. He would have proposed and found a place for us to get married.

“I was terrified of my parents finding out, the whole town finding out, so I left and never looked back.” She takes a deep breath, gets lost in her head for a minute. “Do you remember when you were about fifteen, I went on a trip for a week?”

“Yeah. I stayed with Mel and David. You said you were going to look at some horses for the ranch.”