Page 39 of Off Sides
I’m frustrated at myself and gritting my teeth. I’m not a goalie, but seriously?
Johnson and Bryce come at me and I finally stop it, but I slap at the puck and end up sending it flying into the bench box. Oops.
After practice, we get showered and changed. Some of the guys have night classes, some have plans, but I head straight back to my room.
Waiting for the elevator, I overhear a voice I recognize.
Turning far enough to see Nick’s roommate laughing with a group of guys, my back stiffens. Will he recognize me? Say something?
I’m embarrassed by the possibility. I hate myself for it. For the weakness.
Heat flares up my neck and I grit my teeth. I can’t afford to get in trouble for fighting if he comes for me. Not this close to graduation.
The doors to the elevator open and I step on, jamming my finger at the fifth-floor button and hoping they don’t get on too.
I’m not that lucky. The group gets on and I’m forced back into the corner, listening to them discuss blowjobs and who would be better at giving, men or women. No one sounds disgusted but actually curious…
As the doors are closing, Nick slides in too. His eyes meet mine and his roommate slaps him on the back.
Nick looks around the group of guys and gets a knowing smirk on his lips.
“What are we talking about, guys? Sounded like a fun conversation.” He looks from one guy to the next, but they don’t say anything. Are these more football players? Are they embarrassed to ask because at least Neal knows Nick likes men?
“Who gives better BJs, men or women?” I repeat the question.
Nick’s smile widens. “Oh, interesting question. It really depends on the human sucking the dick. There aren’t many women who love cum and, let’s be honest, enthusiasm is what can make or break a blowie. Girls who are open to all kinds of things usually give great head, but men are just that much more comfortable, typically. If you like a rougher touch, men are my vote.”
The elevator is so quiet you could hear a pin drop as they stare at Nick, but it looks like Neal is trying to stifle a laugh. I can’t help but snort at the self-satisfied smile he has on his face. The doors open on the third floor and the group steps off, Neal finally letting his laugh out and dropping his head back on his shoulders.
Nick catches my gaze again and my smile falls. I want to reach for him, press my forehead to his, and wrap my arms around him, but I can’t be what he needs. I can barely deal with my life as it is and it’s not fair to drag him into my bullshit.
He steps off the elevator and the doors close with a finality I can feel in my bones. Tears burn the backs of my eyes and when the doors open again on my floor, I beeline for my room and drop onto my bed. Shoving my head under my pillow, I let the tears fall.
The need to be held, to be weak for just a few minutes, seeps onto my sheets, but there’s no one here to tell me it’s okay.
15
Nick
Ihate how this feels.
This bone-deep ache to touch, to hold, hell, even just to talk to him. I would accept a fucking text message at this point. It’s been weeks of this—of nothing.
Picking up my phone, I flip it over and over in my hands, just for something to do.
My phone rings and looking at the screen, I sigh but answer the video call.
“What’s up?”
“Why are you moping?” Brent asks. “Get your ass out of your room and go do something.”
I glare at my best friend. “Fuck off, I’m not moping.”
He scoffs. “Really? So you aren’t sitting in your room, pining after a guy you can’t have, and not doing anything fun?”
“Fuck off.” That’s exactly what I’m doing and it fucking sucks. Seeing Joey in the elevator, seeing him smile, made the ache in my chest worse. Why can’t we just be friends? Would it hurt to see him with someone else? Definitely, but at least I would get something, right?
“Earth to dumbass,” Brent says, snapping his fingers in front of the camera.