Page 30 of What Love Can Do
“Haven’t figured that out yet. Some type of business, I’m sure.” He paused, thinking about really, truly living in Forestville. Could he do it? So far, everything he’d seen was peaceful, beautiful, charming, calm—a world of difference from bustling Dublin, but then again, he’d always wanted to move to the countryside to raise a family…some day, that is. He just never considered America before Mam passed. Besides, Green Valley was a hop, skip, and a jump from big city living.
“What are you thinking?” Lillian’s soft question didn’t bother him. It was just that he had no answers.
Honestly, he thought of how he had absolutely nothing to offer Lilly right now, even if they ever considered staying together. He needed to become stable, though Quinn always had a great way of rising to the occasion when he was called to it. He may be standing at a crossroads now, but he wouldn’t be for long. Whatever he did, he’d be successful at it. He wasn’t worried about that. It was knowing that Lilly needed to chase after her own success and was scared to do it that worried him. It was thinking about what might be possible between them, if only he was more settled, that made him sad. Even if he was ready to settle in Green Valley today, he had very little save for his proceeds from the restaurant and his mam’s life insurance money, which would be split five ways, but even that would run out after a couple of months. She deserved way more than that.
“I’m thinking how grand it is that you have this opportunity all laid out for you, how you have your niche, you know? Last thing you need is getting tangled up with the likes of me.” He sat up suddenly, cross-legged, resting his elbows on his knees. He was getting entirely too comfortable around Lilly, even thinking about what if they were together.
Even through his peripheral vision, he spotted Lillian’s drawn eyebrows. “What’s the matter?”
“With what,” he stated, more than asked. He kept his eyes focused on the water. Below them, surfers tackled waves, sitting around in groups, talking, enjoying the afternoon. Keep a safe distance, Quinn.
“I don’t know. You just sat up like you were mad or something.”
“I’m not mad.” He gave her a gratuitous flash of smile. “I’m good.”
They were silent for a short time after that, and she reached for a bottle of wine and some glasses, as if to look busy. He hated making her feel like something was wrong between them, but he wasn’t stupid either. In the short time they’d known each other, they’d gotten close. He was strongly drawn to Lilly, and he knew she felt the same way. Despite their agreement to live only for the moment, every moment they spent together increased the hold each had on the other. If he didn’t put up his defenses quickly, he’d be breaking her heart and possibly his own, and another heartbreak right now was more than he could handle.
“You must be really looking forward to Miami, huh? Beaches and tanned bodies and lots of culture, so I hear. You’re going to be a big success out there,” he said, doing his best to keep the conversation focused on the positive—the future.
“Quinn?” she said softly, abandoning the wine and glasses to crawl up to him and sit cross-legged beside him.
“Hmm?”
“Are you pushing me away right now?”
Women and their emotional radars. “What? Why do you say that?”
“Because that’s how it felt just now. One moment, you were resting on top of me and we were having a nice conversation, and then the minute I asked you what your plans were, you sort of freaked out.”
“I have not freaked out.”
Just then, Con approached.
“Con, have I freaked out?” Quinn called to his brother ten feet away, even though he couldn’t possibly know what Quinn was talking about.
“You know what would be cool?” Con said. “Opening a surf shop out here. Maybe giving lessons.”
What the hell? Quinn knew Con had gone on surfing runs before. There were great beaches in Ireland for it in Donegal, Sligo, Clare, and Kerry, all places Con had wandered to at some point. But what did he know about opening a shop, even though it was one of his mam’s crazy journal ideas. Mam definitely wasn’t the only dreamer in the family.
He opened up his mouth—to say what, he wasn’t sure—when Con wandered away again murmuring to himself. With a sigh, he looked at Lilly, who had stood and was packing up the wine and glasses she’d only just pulled out.
“What are you doing, Lil?”
She shrugged. “Giving you what you want. Some distance between us, right?”
When he said nothing to deny it, she nodded. “Alright. Then, I guess I’ll go get the bonfire stuff.”
He watched her walk away and just as he’d always thought it would, the sight shot a wicked pain through him. “Hey, Lil. I wasn’t pushing you away,” he said, standing and following her, knowing he was lying but not knowing how to explain what he’d been thinking without entangling them even deeper in an already complicated emotional web. “I really, truly just wanted to hear more about your Miami plans. I’m excited for you, because I don’t have anything like that going for me. You understand that, right?”
When she reached the car, she pushed her back against the side door. “Yes, of course. I just felt for a second there that you were keeping your distance. But I get it, Quinn. I do. We said we’d only have one night together, then we broke that rule. Then, we spent half the day together yesterday, and now we’re together again. My fault, I know, for dragging you out here, but—”
“Hey. You did not drag me out here. I wanted to come.” He took her hands and watched her blue eyes read his face for sincerity. “I’ve loved every second I’ve spent with you, but you know this isn’t easy what we’re doing. Well…at least it’s not for me.”
“You think it’s easy for me?” Her eyes widened, her face full of surprise. “Quinn, I don’t just entertain every man who comes to town, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not used to loving and leaving, hitting then quitting…”
“That was not what I was suggesting, Lil. I’m just saying I can only speak for myself.”
“Because I don’t,” she went on, her hands a flurry of defensiveness. “I rarely see any men living out there.”