Page 128 of Love Unwritten
“I’m not jealous.”
“No?” Liar, I tell myself as I stand and rake my nails over his chest.
His hands curl into two tight balls. “No.”
A small laugh breaks free, and before I have a chance to stop myself, I ask, “Is it that hard to admit you care about someone besides Nico and your family?”
“Yes,” he says with a hiss.
“Why?”
He doesn’t pause to think. To breathe. To even second-guess his killer blow before he delivers it. “They haven’t given me a reason not to trust them.”
I stumble back a step. “I thought…” I’m so hurt by his statement, I can’t even finish the sentence without giving myself away.
“What? That you would magically have my trust again only two weeks after you broke it?” His harsh words make me feel foolish because I did think that.
I was living in a fantasy, thinking we could rebuild whatever trust we both broke. If I’m being honest, I should have taken him thinking I would lie about winning a stupid sandcastle championship as a warning sign, but I ignored it, just like the others I turned a blind eye to.
Rafael was absolutely right when he said we were wrong for each other, but I didn’t listen. Instead, I wanted to make him jealous about Cole to prove some stupid point that didn’t need proving in the first place—and look where it got me.
A whole bunch of heartache. Again.
Tears of frustration spring to my eyes, and I blink them away. Crying in front of someone is bad enough, but doing so in front of the person that brought the tears out in the first place?
Embarrassing.
Rafael reaches out, a silent apology written across his face, but I take another step back.
“You’re right. I did think you could trust me, but it clearly was a big mistake.” I grab my notebook, turn toward the stairs, and walk away with my head held high, pretending Rafael didn’t rip my heart out for the second time in twenty-four hours.
Hopefully, I learned my lesson for the final time.
Rafael Lopez keeps his inner circle tight, and it’s time I realized I will always be on the outside looking in.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Rafael
I screwed up big time. That much becomes painfully clear when Ellie walks away, pretending my words didn’t affect her when I know for a fact that they did. Her pain was as obvious as the tears threatening to fall, and instead of feeling satisfied at driving her away, I feel a huge sense of loss.
I haven’t been able to shake the same feeling since last night, when I told her we were all wrong for each other, and her attempt today at making me jealous only amplified the sensation.
I like Ellie, but I’m terrified of giving in to my feelings and getting hurt after the way my last relationship turned out, so I keep pushing her away. Keep making up excuses and finding a million different reasons why we wouldn’t work. Some may be valid, but that doesn’t make the truth hurt any less.
If I were a different person, I would date her in a heartbeat, but I’m not.
I’m a screwed-up orphan with enough trust issues to keep a therapist on speed dial, while she is beautiful, compassionate, and far too perfect for someone like me. I would break her before she ever had a chance to do the same to me, and the thought of that happening makes me sick to my stomach.
Despite my reasons for keeping her at a distance, I’m still hit with guilt that is so overwhelming, I feel like I’m being choked by it. It grabs me by the throat, making it impossible to breathe.
With a heart full of dread, I head downstairs to find my son on the front deck, looking out at the ocean with a pair of binoculars pressed against his glasses.
“Hola, Papi.” Nico offers me a chance to use them, but I shake my head and take a seat on the chair beside him instead.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Mm.” I don’t want to burden my child with my problems, so I fake a smile and try Ellie’s favorite trick to distract him.