Page 15 of Love Unwritten
“This has nothing to do with pride.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Positive.” To care about my pride would mean having some in the first place, and I lost that along with my self-esteem a long time ago.
He chuckles to himself. “For someone who is so goddamn smart, you can sure be a real dumbass sometimes.”
I raise my beer in a mock toast. “I can always count on you to lift me up.”
“We’ve always been straight shooters with one another, so I’m not going to start lying now to save you from hurt feelings.”
“True, but that doesn’t mean you need to go for the jugular.”
Julian’s lips curl at the corners. “I’m giving you a hard time because I care.”
“I know.” I would do the same for him, even if it made him angry at me for a day or two.
He takes a deep breath. “Deep down, you agree with me about talking to Ellie, even if you don’t want to.”
I drop my head back with a resigned sigh. “Yeah. I know.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Rafael
I was half hoping that Ellie would be asleep by the time I got home. Does it make me a coward? Absolutely, but at least it would have given me some more time to prepare for this kind of deep conversation.
I’ve always done a good job of repressing my uncomfortable emotions. At first, it was purely survival instinct because I didn’t want to give my aunt and uncle a reason to get rid of me. So I learned to shield my feelings about my biological parents with toxic coping skills and a willingness to do anything for anyone.
Emphasis on the toxic.
I made myself so damn needed by everyone that no one could imagine getting rid of me. Soccer team captain. Senior class president and prom king. Beloved nephew, devoted father, and loyal husband.
It made me feel invincible and fulfilled…or it had until my life of lies came crashing down, teaching me more about myself in a few months than I had learned in the whole thirty-one years I had been alive.
The soft strumming of a guitar greets me when I walk inside the house. I head in the direction of the sound before stopping near the entrance to the living room. Ellie hasn’t noticed me yet, but then again, she never does whenever she is in the zone.
I feel like I’m intruding on a private moment, but I don’t want to shatter it and announce my presence before she has a chance to finish playing a popular song I immediately recognize.
My excuse for lingering in the dark sounds weak to my own ears though, especially when one song bleeds into another, and next thing I know, I’ve spent thirty minutes lurking.
Ellie has no idea, but I like listening to her play. Her music has a way of sneaking past my defenses and making me feel, and I don’t want to scare her away from playing around the house if she knows I might be listening. The very idea of that happening unsettles me almost as much as my other reason for hanging around Ellie while she remains completely unaware.
There is something about her that lures me in every time, and it has nothing to do with her music. I haven’t determined if my interest has something to do with her beauty or the secrets she hides behind timid smiles and songs that make my chest ache.
Partly because I don’t want to know.
All I know is that for someone with sun-kissed skin, bright smiles, and golden hair that looks like sunshine personified, she sure does a good job of hiding it behind heart-wrenching musical progressions and haunted melodies that stay with me long after she stops playing for the evening.
The music she plays has a chilling, melancholic quality to it that sounds completely different from Nico’s upbeat song choices, and I’m always left wondering who inspires the sorrowful tunes.
I stomp my feet a few times, and the music cuts out altogether as I enter the living room.
“I’m home,” I say to her back.
She turns and glances back at me from over the couch. “I thought you were staying out late.”
“Changed my mind.” I take a seat on the couch across from hers.