Page 166 of Love Unwritten
“My turn!”
I squat so he can place his flower on the opposite side of my head. He takes his time, making sure to double-check that it won’t fall out of my hair.
When he is done, I drop a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, little rock star.”
He grins.
The back of my neck prickles, and I glance up to find Rafael looking at us. “What?”
“Nothing.”
He says that out loud, but the look of pure yearning on his face?
It says everything.
Last night, when he learned about my song and the scars associated with it, I thought Rafael was being kind for the sake of it. He said my scars are beautiful because they’re a part of my story, but I’ve heard a variation of those words before. I’ve had a few boyfriends who all seemed to feel the same way, but then I caught them staring when they thought I wasn’t looking or wincing when they brushed their hands over them. Felt them hesitate whenever they kissed my thighs. Saw them handling sharp objects differently whenever I was in the room, acting like I might grab a blade at any second and pick up where I left off years ago.
But today, I feel the truth behind his words, and I’ve never felt more beautiful in my whole entire life.
It doesn’t take long for Nico to notice my scars. We haven’t even made it onto the boat for our snorkeling expedition yet, and I already caught him staring once, although he was quick to look away with flushed cheeks. Thankfully, he refrains from asking me about them while we are getting settled on the boat, but he sneaks glances every now and then during the ride out to the snorkeling area.
At one point, while I’m popping a Dramamine pill in my mouth, he pulls Rafael aside and whispers something into his ear while I pretend not to notice. I knew it would happen, but Nico knowing about my past fills me with more trepidation than it ever has before.
I don’t want him to look at me differently or be afraid of me. The anticipation of what could happen next ruins my excitement about seeing sea turtles in the wild, and I spend most of the boat ride stressed about what Nico will ask.
It’s not until we reach our destination and Rafael excuses himself to use the bathroom that Nico finally gathers up enough courage to ask me the question I’ve been dreading.
“Ellie?”
“Mm.” I school my features as I look up at him.
“Are you happy?”
I blink a few times as I register his question. “Happy how?”
“Like in general. Do you feel good?”
“Mostly, yes. Not everyone can be happy all the time because that’s impossible, but I feel good most of the time.”
“That’s nice.” He readjusts his snorkeling mask until his glasses sit comfortably against his face.
“Why are you asking me that?”
“Papi told me sometimes, when people are really, really sad, they hurt themselves instead of others.”
So that’s what Rafael and Nico were whispering about while I pretended to be fascinated by the ocean. Rafael and I agreed on that response back at the hotel, but I still feel anxious at the idea of Nico knowing.
I take a deep, cleansing breath. “He’s right.”
“So you did hurt yourself?”
My eyes fall toward my lap. “Yes.”
“Because you were really, really sad?” He frowns.
“I was, but I don’t do that anymore. I talked to someone who helped me get better and taught me what to do instead.”
That seems to soften the tension in his shoulders. “I’m sad you were hurting that bad.”