Page 78 of Love Unwritten
Rafael
Nico is still getting ready for our first dinner in Honolulu after spending twenty minutes giving Dahlia, Lily, and my aunt a tour of our suite during their video call, so I take a seat on the sectional and wait for him and Ellie. The stunning view of the ocean should keep my attention, but my thoughts quickly drift back to my responsibilities.
Spending the next two weeks away from work is supposed to be good for me, but I still feel guilty about leaving Julian alone to handle Dwelling while I’m gone. He has enough on his plate with his own business to run, but when I suggested taking a vacation last year, he took it upon himself to call my assistant and ask her to block the time off my calendar.
Two weeks doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but for me, it is the longest vacation I’ve taken in years. Time off was long overdue, although I’m not sure how relaxed I can be knowing Ellie is joining us the entire time.
Like I conjured her up simply by thinking about her, Ellie’s bedroom door opens, and she steps out. Thankfully, she is distracted by something on her phone, which gives me a moment to recover from my shock.
Ellie Sinclair has always been pretty, but right now, she looks absolutely gorgeous in a floor-length gauzy white dress that highlights her soft curves and sun-kissed skin. I can only think of one word to describe her, and it is ethereal.
I become a man fighting against the clock, trying to take in as many details as possible before she notices me staring at her like she is mine.
Fuck.
There it is. That deep feeling of want that I’ve spent the last eight months denying. Ignoring my attraction toward her wasn’t difficult, especially when jealousy was the dominant emotion I felt, but now, with that stripped away, I’m left with something far worse.
Desire.
I felt it at Nico’s birthday party and little sparks of attraction here and there, like when I held her hand, secretly listened to her playing music, or found myself staring for extended periods of time, but now that we are removed from our lives in Lake Wisteria, I allow myself to really acknowledge it.
To feel it.
I will never act on it, but for a few seconds, I pretend Ellie and I are two different people. I’m not some jaded single dad with abandonment issues, and she isn’t my son’s nanny.
In this fantasy, she is a woman who would steal my attention the second I saw her. She would pretend to be disinterested at first, claiming I wasn’t her type, but I’d know better. I’ve seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I’m not paying attention. The way she sucks in a breath whenever I touch her.
She desires me just as much, whether she wants to acknowledge it or not.
“Ellie! Look at my new shoes!” Nico comes barreling out of his room, shattering the illusion.
Ellie looks over at my son with a blinding smile, and I swear my whole world stops for a second.
I shake my head hard, erasing the thought from existence. For a minute, I forgot myself, but as I watch Ellie with my son, I’m reminded of our biggest issue.
She will always be his nanny, just like I will always be her boss. So while I can desire her from afar, acting on my attraction goes against the rules.
Despite how much I want to break them.
The drive to the restaurant is a quiet one, with Nico playing a game on my cell phone while Ellie spends the majority of the trip taking in the view of the beach. I watch her out of the corner of my eye while I drive the Jeep I rented for our time in Oahu, although I force myself a few times to look away.
She and Nico keep the conversation flowing throughout dinner, only stopping to take bites of their fish dishes.
I’ve never seen Ellie so relaxed in my presence. Sure, the two mango martinis she had after I insisted it was fine helped loosen her up a bit, but I’d also like to selfishly believe she feels comfortable because of me.
Ever since she came back last week, I’ve been making an effort to be less…well, less like me, and I think it’s working. Truth is, I’m not sure who I am. After spending so many years trying to become the person I thought people wanted me to be, I am struggling with an identity crisis.
Despite my internal dilemma, even Nico seems happier around me, although I still catch a few flickers of concern from him.
Like right now.
“¿Papi?” Nico asks.
“¿Si, mijo?”
“¿Qué piensas?”
“¿De qué?”