Page 86 of Love Unwritten
I brace myself for her disgust and pity as she turns to look at me, but I’m surprised to see something else entirely.
Admiration?
No. That can’t be right, because who would admire a mess like me?
I look over at Nico, who is reenacting some movie scene for the other child. “I took my anger toward Hil—toward someone else—out on you, and that was uncalled for.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“I know you were trying to make me feel better, and I acted like a dick.”
“That seems to be a recurring theme for us.”
“What if I don’t want it to be?” I ask softly.
“We can want a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean anything if we don’t put in the effort to make any of it happen.”
I stay quiet.
Her sigh of discontent makes my chest twinge. “Listen. We’ve been down this road before, and it always leads to a dead end, so let’s agree to stay in our own lanes and keep to ourselves.”
“What do you mean?”
“You never wanted to be friends with me, and honestly, I used to be offended by that, but now I’m starting to think I prefer it that way.”
I won’t deny how much her words sting, although I do my best to ignore it. I’m not even fully sure why they bother me, but perhaps it is because I thought she was talking about something…more.
I guess whatever I feel about her is one-sided.
She seems to take my silence as an invitation to continue. “You’re angry—and rightly so, based on what I’ve heard about your ex. No one is denying that, but the way you let her affect you matters because it has an impact on everyone around you. So until you learn how to control your emotions and channel them into something else, you’ll always be repeating the same harmful patterns.” Ellie wields her tongue like a blade, cutting me open and exposing my weaknesses.
“How would you know that?”
Her condescending laugh grates on my nerves. “You’re not the only one who has struggled with a toxic relationship.”
My curiosity is piqued. “You’ve been through a bad one?”
She releases an unsteady breath. “No, but I was the result of one, which comes with its own list of problems.”
“Like?”
She chews on the inside of her cheek in quiet contemplation. I can tell she doesn’t want to open up to me, and I don’t blame her, given my struggles with the same issue.
But then she surprises me by speaking up again.
“My biological father, whom I refuse to call anything else, was a terrible person. Like Hillary, he used money to control my mom and forced her to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship because he threatened to leave her with nothing.”
I’m not sure I’m even breathing right now.
“He said he would fight her for full custody, which was the main reason she stayed for as long as she did.”
I recognize the pain in her voice. The guilt.
“It’s not your fault she made that choice.”
Her soft laugh can hardly be heard over the rushing water in front of us and Nico giggling at something the other kid said. “I know. It took a couple years of therapy, but I finally accepted that I shouldn’t feel guilty about my mom’s decision to stay, just like she shouldn’t feel the same way about the choices I made.”
“What choices?”