Page 123 of Ryker
“His name’s William Brisbane. I met him at a networking conference downtown.”
She means she served him coffee at the hotel she works at.
“What’s he like?”
“Smart, confident, big brown eyes, and a fat wallet.” She waggles her eyebrows at me. “He has a son about your age, too.”
She’s already done some research. Great.
“He’s taking me to that five-star restaurant off Lambert Ave at eight.”
“Nice.” I have no clue what restaurant she’s talking about. Staring at the table, I tap my fingers on my thigh while silence spreads in the kitchen. I finally snap. “Why do you always do this?” I didn’t mean to ask it out loud. Last time I did, she slapped me and called me ungrateful. “I’m sorry, I—”
“Look around us, Tara.” Mom stabs her spoon into the bowl of pudding and crosses her arms. “Do you like what you see?”
Yes. I do. Our apartment is perfect for the two of us. I have friends on the first floor and down the street. I don’t have to take the bus to school because it’s close enough to walk. I’m happy here, and if she fucks around, it’ll end badly—because it always ends badly—and then she’ll want to pack up and move again.
Two things are concrete with my mother: Her beauty is a weapon, and she’s forever on a treasure hunt.
Nothing’s good enough for her, including me.
“Yes, mom. I love it here.”
“Well, I hate it. We can do so much better than this, Tara.”
Says who? “Agree to disagree.”
Her cheeks blaze with her temper. “We’re in a tiny apartment that my shit paycheck barely covers the rent on!”
That’s because she spends most of her money on high-end clothes, so people will notice and “respect” her. She pays the bare minimum for our life. Rebecca Reed invests in only herself.
“Look at us, Tara. We’re having pudding for dinner!” Mom shoves the bowl off the table and it crashes onto the floor in a colossal mess. “How much lower can we sink?”
Fury bubbles out of me. I hate you. Tears burn in my eyes because I can’t believe I thought she was going to be different this time. “Money isn’t everything, Mom.”
“You are so fucking stupid.” She shoves a finger in my face, and I see they’re freshly painted red. “One day you’ll understand that if you don’t have money, you don’t have shit.”
“You don’t need a rich husband to have money.” I toss my hands up. “Work your way up at the hotel. Take some classes and learn a new trade.”
She laughs, cold, harsh, and ugly. “Jesus, Tara. You think it’s that simple? I don’t even have a GED. I’m lucky to have a job at the hotel as it is. No one wants to hire a woman whose background is scrubbing dishes, stocking shelves, and flipping burgers.” The veins in her temples pop out. “I’d have made something for myself if it hadn’t been for you, but that ship sailed when I was sixteen.”
The walls close in on me. “I didn’t ask to be born.”
“No, you didn’t. And I loved you enough to have you, anyway.”
Should I be grateful? “But you don’t love me enough to just be happy with me.”
Why am I not good enough? I get straight As, I’m in all the gifted classes, I have a part-time job and help with the bills, I never get in trouble, and I’m home by curfew, always. I don’t even like action movies, but I watch them all the time for her because they’re her favorite.
“Baby,” her voice softens, the anger quickly fizzling out fast, just like it always does. Reaching across the table, Mom grabs my hand. “Of course, I’m happy with you. But I’m lonely. I want someone to share a life with. To make memories with.” She tips her head and offers a little smile. “Maybe have another baby, too. Wouldn’t you like having a sibling?”
Hell no.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she says, wiggling my hand playfully. “I’m just really nervous about my date with William tonight.”
“Why?” my voice cracks. “It’s just a date.”
“No baby, this is the first night of our new future together.” She stands up and kisses my forehead. “And when you meet him, I want you to be extra sweet to him, okay? I want him to love you as much as I do.”