Page 32 of Bishop

"All the time in the world." Bishop's sour look breaks, and he gives me a smirk.

The second I walk out of his room, I feel the eyes on me again.

Only Bishop can give me what I need. What I want.

To feel again.

***

Keeley wasn't lying when she told me that things can get crazy at one of these parties. I should've known it was going to get rowdy when Keeley escorted her kids over to a friend's house for a sleepover. This isn't a child-friendly event in the least. The music is loud, the people are even louder, and as hard as I tried to stay out of my room and enjoy the festivities, I'm just not in the mood to party.

I'm not in the mood for anything I can put my finger on.

All day long, I've felt uneasy, like there was something I wanted but just hadn't been able to get. Now I'm lying in my bed, trying to ignore the deep bass bumping through the foundation of the building to get some sleep.

No matter how many times I close my eyes, rest doesn't come. I'm not comfortable. I change positions more than a dozen times before I give up and just stare up at the ceiling, waiting for whatever stress my mind is holding onto to wash over me. I can't get away from it.

Liam, Shade, and those Faceless assholes took more than just my freedom away from me. They took my logic and self-esteem. They took my joy. The only time I ever felt even a twinge of happiness in that place was when Bishop would hold me after we were forced to have sex and at the thought of Skyler coming into the world.

I cringe hard and grip the sheets under my body as my mind drifts to the stillborn child I helped deliver.

"No, stop it!" I hiss into the air and shake my head, knowing if I get stuck in the loop of images of that small baby, I'll never be able to get it out of my head. Those aren't the nightmares I'm prepared to deal with right now.

The need for something just out of reach gets stronger until I jump out of the bed and begin to pace in a small circle in the small room.

On one of the turns, I bump my hip into the corner of a small desk, and pain flashes through my system. It's eye-opening. It's not until that very moment did I realize how incredibly numb I am. It's a deep numbness that's threatening to eat me alive. I just want to feel again. Anything, even if that means pain.

The sounds of people laughing and having a good time drift under the crack of my bedroom door. I want to be out there.

No, not really.

I want happiness. Euphoria.

I've never been the type of person to indulge in drugs, but I know that would be a quick way to get the high I'm looking for. Still, even in my nearly crazed state, I know it's a slippery slope. I've seen more than my share of patients start down that road just to feel some happiness, only to find themselves at rock bottom with no way back up.

No, there's another way for me to get what I need.

Smoothing out my borrowed clothes, I sneak out of my room. I don't want anyone to see me and ask me to have a drink with them or something. What I need isn't out there at the party. What I need is in the room downstairs. Taking the steps as quickly as I can, I walk into Bishop's room.

Surprise fills me as I walk in and see Bishop out of bed. It's the first time since we've been here that I've walked in and he wasn't sleeping or resting.

"Hey, you enjoying the party?" Bishop asks.

He's wearing dark jeans and a black tank top. He's smaller than he was from the first time we met, but his muscles still fill out the thin shirt well.

God, this man is hot.

"I'm not really in the mood for a party," I reply.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'd prefer a good night in with just my brothers, but you know Wire and them. They'll take any excuse for a good party." He laughs and walks closer to me, waiting for me to make the next move.

"Bishop, I need..." My words come short.

How do I tell him what I need? How do I explain that I need him to make me forget all the bad that's surrounding us without making it seem like I'm using him? I don't want to hurt him.

"You can have it," he answers, not even knowing what I'm talking about. This is why I feel so safe around him. His openness, his desire to make me whole even when I don't know exactly what it is that I need to be complete.

All hesitation rushes out of my body, and I beeline straight for him. Leaning up on my tiptoes as far as I can, I press my mouth to his. It's sloppy and rushed. I'm too pent up to take my time. Bishop groans and wraps his arms around me.