Page 8 of Bishop

I want to believe in his words, but I can't, not right now. Not after another night of this. I can't believe that we're going to get out of this, but I can believe that Bishop knows how to make me feel good. He's got the answers to what I need to make me feel better. I just want another taste of that. Feeling good.

As he holds me close, I move my head back slightly so I'm looking up into his dark, piercing eyes. The intense passion and need to please me are etched so clearly right there in his gaze.

I can't explain what I'm feeling or when I started feeling this way, but all I know is if he doesn't kiss me right now I may die.

Slowly, using the last of my strength, I lean up on my tiptoes and press my lips to Bishop's. The scruff of his beard scratches against my smooth face and it sends shivers up my spine.

This is the first time that we've kissed without the threat of someone killing us or some sort of bodily harm coming if we don't. This is the first time we've been intimate without someone forcing us to do it. Part of me was hoping that with it would come the same old feeling of bliss. I wasn't expecting it to be so much more.

Everything that I've felt while we were in the room vanished, and all I can think about is the way Bishop's lips feel against mine. I've never felt the way I do when I kiss him. I'm sure that has something to do with the fact that the both of us are locked up in this room, but right now my emotions can't tell the difference. All that matters is that I want more of what he's giving me.

Bishop groans and tightens his hands around my neck. I hiss slightly, not so much because he's hurting me but because I'm revved up and know what comes next. Of course, that isn't what Bishop takes away from the interaction. He thinks he's hurt me. I can almost tell the exact moment he realizes what is actually happening between us.

His lips go cold and his eyelids flutter open before he pushes me back.

"No. Gabrielle, no." He shakes his head and pushes himself back on his knees.

"Don't deny me right now, Bishop. I need you." I do my best to explain how I'm feeling to him without words, just with my hands, but he won't allow me to touch him. He cringes every time I do.

"What is this? You don't find me attractive now? Is that what's going on?" I ask, my voice cracking and the real doubt that I'm no longer good enough for Bishop rattling around in my head.

"No, it's got nothing to do with how much I want you, Gabrielle. I still..." Bishop sighs and lifts his head so he's looking up at the ceiling. "It's nothing like that."

"Then what the hell is it? We've kissed before." I shrug and try to move closer.

"Yeah, because the bastards have made us touch and kiss each other. I want the next time we kiss for there not to be anything hanging over our heads."

I can't stop the disappointment from crowding my face even if I wanted to. I know he's right, but I don't want to admit it. In fact, I don't want to even think about what it means that I'm the one who had to push up on him. He's rejecting me as nicely as it might sound; it's the same as him telling me he's just not that interested in me.

Instead of just taking his request in stride, I replace the embarrassment with anger.

"You know, today might not have been the time for you to develop chivalry." I snap at him, and he narrows his eyes at me.

"What the hell are you talking about? I've always tried to make sure you have as much of a say in this."

"A choice?" I cut him off, my voice getting higher and higher. "All I wanted was a little bit of a reprieve and you couldn't give me that. Had to stay on your fucking pedestal, all high and mighty. The great Bishop looking down on the people who can't stay as strong as he is."

"Stay strong? Is that what you think I'm doing here? You think I'm staying strong for myself? In case you haven't realized it yet, I'm staying strong for you. The only reason I haven't gone on a rampage and tried to kill everyone in this place yet is because you're here. I'm in this with you and I;m not sure why I have to keep on proving that to you." Bishop stares down at me, with his nostrils flaring and his hands balled up into fists.

Every insult I've ever heard bounces around in my head. I want to cut him down. Want to make him feel as bad as I do but I know it's just a defense mechanism. I feel like grade A shit. The old saying is true, misery loves company.

I can't do this to Bishop no matter how bad I feel about myself right now. Not after everything he's done to me. Instead I take a breath and turn my back on him.

I hear him sigh and take a step in my direction but I can't be consoled by him right now, not without my emotions running wild. "Bishop, just give me some space, please." I whisper and take another step away from him closer to the corner.

"Okay Gani. Whatever you need." He mutters and backs off.

What I need right now is a time machine to go back to before I tried to push up on him. I can't believe I tried to sleep with him while we were still locked up in this place. I'd blame it on the circumstances but in reality it's all me. It was just my attempt to feel normal again. My own personal silver lining to this fucked up cloud. I should've known that it could never happen.

There are no silver linings when it comes to the monsters hiding in plain sight.

Six

Gabrielle

Today would be a perfect day if I weren't locked up in here, dying of both embarrassment and malnutrition.

I woke up to what sounded like birds chirping, even though there's no window in the small cell. The water doesn't smell rancid, and my body hurts far less than I'm used to. Yeah, today would have been a good day if I weren't here. Of course, the guards make sure I realize I'm not in a dream quickly. Before I can fully open my eyes, I hear the sound of our cell door opening. Bishop struggles to get to his feet. He's always more sore after our days together, mostly because he takes on so much of a beating before we get started. He never wants them to think they've just won by forcing us to fuck. He always has to fight.