Page 42 of Nocte

Creatures like me are not supposed to cry. How dare we? We are sheltered and fed and kept safe from those who would harm us out of rightful disgust. I have no reason to cry.

Even if a vamryre made me feel things I didn’t know a body could feel. Dirty things. Sinful things. His memory hurts my soul.

Why?

What did I do to deserve such a villain? Perhaps he is my atonement from all my years of disobeying Lord Master. I can’t pretty up the transgressions or lie to myself anymore. I’ve sinned and sinned and now I’m being punished.

Punishment is meant to serve as a painful reminder, however. A deterrent.

Ideally, one shouldn’t want to commit another sin.

CHAPTER13

Caspian

Iam a defiant, devious, and sinful boy. Cassius tells me so but his tone is more amused than angry. Why? It’s as if ever since I took more from that fae—increased my debt to him—he’s been humming with glee.

I am not so self-centered, however. Something else has his spirits high. Something important enough to distract from me. What is it? What is it?

I want to know. Need to know.

Whatever pleases Cassius means misery for me.

I try to prod his thoughts, but this far from the mansion he can easily swat me away.

I could go back.

No.Don’t want to.

I stay near the Citadel and watch her instead. She’s infuriating. Cassius torments me for a night, and I rage for weeks after. Even the thought makes me hiss through clenched teeth.

But her. She’s safe inside her skull where I can’t follow. There, she’s pure and untouched, waltzing around her archive with her head held high.

Like she wasn’t writhing for me. Craving it: destruction at my fingertips. Like she wasn’t eager for me to do every last thing I’ve taunted her with. As if she didn’t steal an orgasm from me.

Damn the fae. She is good at playing pretend. I almost believe her.

Then I see how she walks. How she winces when she crouches down to tend to her chores. It’s not pain that has her biting her lip. It’s not fear that has her glancing over her shoulder, searching for me.

Oh yes. I can see it so clearly, what she’s desperate to hide. That’s the thing, though. Shehidesit. She lies to herself. She denies the obvious.

She’d fuck me even if I didn’t deliver information about her precious realm. After all, Caspian the vamryer has never been denied.

Even Cassius can’t ignore his attraction to me. Men and women all react the same. This pretty face beckons them. My voice lures them into a false sense of security as I ask them to bare their necks. When I bite, they never see the pain coming.

Attraction is the one skill I’ve honed as a damn vamryre. I know how to cultivate it. How to wield it like a knife, slipped in the back of an unwitting victim.

Yet she is unaffected. I can admit that. The beauty of my appearance does not appeal to her. Her interest in me only extends to what I can do for her. She’s as transactional as a vamryre, craving knowledge instead of blood.

We can go days without the substance. Weeks. Cassius keeps us placated until he decides when and where we can indulge the urge. It’s the one grace he gives us, or so he says.

He protects us from hunger.

Not from pain or hate or regret. He lets all three fester in me.

She acts like she’s above such base emotions. Above hunger. Above lust.

Lies.Lust is what I tasted in her, deep in those archives. I need to taste it again.