Page 75 of Broken Empire
“Okay.So, what do you guys think of this house?Imean it’s so big and over the top don’t you think?”
“What, you don’t like it?I’msure if you tell him he’d buy you another one, since he’s so whipped as fuck,”Huntsays and both him andGraylaugh.
“Welll…”
“Youdo like it, don’t you?”Grayasks with a smirk on his face.
“Shutit, mister!”
“Admitit, sis.”
“Fiiineeee!Okay,Ido.It’sdefinitely somethingIwould have picked out myself,”Igrumble.
“Don’tthinkI’mpicking up for him or anything butI’mjust saying, alright.Heloves you.Iknow deep down he’s kicking his own ass for everything he—we—all put you through.Butdon’t forget he knows you the best out of all of us andIknow he’s trying to be better,”Graysonsays sincerely.
“Yeah,I’veseen that too little sis.Iknow he’s sorry and he’s been trying to make it up to you andI’mnot telling you what to do or telling you that your feelings aren’t valid, but just be careful.Hehides it pretty well but he’s on the verge of falling over the edge,”Huntersays next andIswallow the lump in my throat.
“Whatdo you mean?”
“He’strying to be everything you need.Doeverything you want, but he’s also hurting.Iknow it’ll take time to forgive him, that is, if you even want to.I’mnot saying you have to do it right this minute, but if you’re going to, just do it before he loses faith in himself and goes off the deep end.Ilike the ass andIdon’t want either of you to get hurt, when it all eventually comes to a head,” my brother says andIsuddenly feel choked up.
Ilook at the clock, noting the time passed by quickly andI’vebeen down here for a while, soIdecide to head back upstairs.
“I’mtired.I’mgoing to go back upstairs,”Itell them both.
“Ididn’t mean to make you upset sis.Iwas just giving you some friendly advice and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, always remember that.”
“Youdidn’t upset me.I’mjust finally tired now.”
“Goget some rest then.Loveyou,” he tells me before placing a kiss on my forehead.
“Loveyou, too.”
“Loveyou too, sis,”Graysays and also proceeds to give me a kiss on the forehead beforeIhead back upstairs to the master bedroom.
Itake a shower and cry for a while, just feeling my emotions bubbling up in me.Ithink back to everything the guys said andIhonestly don’t know what to do.Iknow he’s trying, butIjust don’t know…
OnceI’mdone in the shower,Iwalk over to the closet to see if there’s anything in there to wear to bed andI’msurprised whenIopen it to see that it’s a huge walk-in closet.Whatsurprises me the most is the fact that it’s filled from top to bottom with both of our clothes.Seeingour clothes together like that just fills me with… not sure what, but it’s something.
Igrab a pair of pajamas and then making sure that the nightlight is on,Icrawl into bed.Islide under the covers, suddenly feeling exhausted and in no timeI’mout like a light.
* * *
Handswon’t stop touchingme, won’t stop grabbing for me.Itfeels like many of them are reaching for me.Fingersclamp down on my arm and they squeeze my flesh painfully.Ilet out a scream and try to pull away from the hold that this person—no, these monsters—have on me.
It’suseless because the grip just tightens and it feels like the fingers are searing through my flesh.It’sso painful andIjust want it to stop, but it won’t no matter how hardItry to get away.Thenall of a sudden there’s a sinister laugh coming from right next to my ear.Thelaugh is sickening and heinous, terrifying.
“Didyou think that you could get away from me so easily?You’llalways belong to me,” a sinister voice whispers in my ear andIlet out a scream.
“Noooo!”Iscream back at the voice while sobs rack my body.
Ilet out a gasp and a whimper asIjerk out of my sleep.Myheart races, even asIrealize that it was just a dream.Mybody trembles a little asIwork to reassure myself thatI’msafe and he can’t get to me anymore.Becausehe’s dead andMasonwas the one to kill him.
Mynerves are frayed.Whycan’t that asshole just leave me the hell alone?He’sthere whenIsleep and even whenI’mawake and it’s just getting overwhelming at this point.Ilay there on the bed alone breathing in and out, working to calm myself down, like the stupid therapist at the cabin taught me.Untilmy breathing slows down andIno longer feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest.
Iwipe the tears thatIhad no idea were slipping down my cheeks untilIfelt they were wet.Ithonestly feels likeI’mlosing my goddamn mind every single day andIdon’t know how to break this cycle.It’sjust one never-ending fuckery after the other.
EverytimeIclose my eyes he’s there.Evenwhen my eyes are open andI’mjust existing, thoughts of him slip through the cracks of my psyche andIhate how all of this just makes me feel weak.Iwant to get better, butIdon’t know how.Theweight of it all is crushing me andIdon’t know how much longerI’llbe able to go on like this.