Page 76 of Lord of Vice
“Yeah, I get it. I’m happy to remind you. You told me that bottling my feelings wouldn’t ease the pain. It would only keep it festering deep inside, feeding like a living creature until the beast would refuse to allow me to enjoy the rest of my life. I know you didn’t think I was listening to your advice then or even now, but I always looked up to you. You were my big brother, my support system when I was certain the boogeyman was going to come for me next.”
He hadn’t opened up to me ever before. Why now? “I appreciate you saying that.”
“I mean it. So, that’s why I’m going to do you one solid and give you the same advice. I know you cared about Katarina, but I honestly think you needed to find someone for your own. I was an unruly kid who acted as if he wanted nothing to do with you. You were the new king of Las Vegas and needed a queen. I don’t know why you went back to Russia other than you were born there, but I hated you when you brought her back for a visit. It took me a little while to realize just how much you were hurting too, needing comfort. I was just jealous. I might not know too much about love, but you were infatuated with Katarina, allowing yourself to be destroyed when she died. But I saw the way you were looking at Penny. She’s something special to you.”
“Since when did you become an adult?” I asked after at least thirty seconds had passed.
He chuckled and stood, swaggering closer. “Since you were building an empire for both of us to enjoy. Speaking of which. Have you added to my trust fund lately, bro?”
I shook my head. He knew once he hit twenty-one, he’d be a wealthy man by anyone’s standards. For all the brain dead shit he’d done over the years, the day he turned fourteen, he’d asked me not to give him too much of an allowance, instead putting it into a particular stock he’d done research on. I wasn’t certain I’d told him then how proud of him I’d been.
And still was.
“Stop worrying.”
“I’m right though,” he said. “I mean about the girl.”
“I don’t know yet. I’m still reeling from what happened today.”
“She must be pretty courageous if she saved your sorry ass.” He had a lopsided grin, which always made him look boyish.
“Yeah, Penny is that and more.”
He looked away for a few seconds, doing his own reflecting on everything we’d been through. “Just like Mom.”
Yeah, just like Mom.
“You should head off to bed. You don’t mind having guests, including a furry creature for a little while?” I asked as he passed by.
“It’s your house.”
“Nah, bro,” I said on purpose. “It’s our house.”
He turned and looked at me and the warm glow of the light over the stove allowed me to see the surprise in his eyes. “She’s good for you. Remember that and remember what I said. Life is too short to wallow in self-pity or the past.”
“Mom used to say that,” I said wistfully.
“I remember.”
I had to smile. “See you in the morning. By the way, I’m sorry for the way I acted too. I was completely out of line. I won’t let it happen again.”
Even in the darkness, I was able to denote a hint of surprise. “You’re forgiven, bro.”
“I need you to do me a favor, Vissarian, and this is important to me.”
“Sure. What?”
I thought about what I wanted to say. I’d never had a feeling that my number was up. I wasn’t a gambler and had never spent much time thinking about karma but my instinct continued to work overtime. “If anything happens to me, promise me two things.”
He snorted. “You’re invincible, bro. What, are you kidding me?”
“I’m not fucking around with this. I’ve ensured that everything with the corporation, the house, your trust fund, all of it will be protected and will belong to you in the event of my untimely death. I want you to promise me that you will live your life the way you want. If you don’t want to be in charge of the business our father put us in, then sell it. You hear me?”
“You’re scaring me.”
“I’m not trying to, Viss, but I’m a realist. Just tell me you’ll do that.” I glanced at him and sensed I’d shocked the shit out of him.
“Yeah, I promise, but I meant what I said. I’d like to work by your side.”