Page 34 of Heartless
Nodding, I say, “I didn’t wake you before I left this morning because you had a long night. You tossed and turned all night so when I saw you sleeping peacefully, I didn’t want to disturb that.”
“Thank you.”
“Have you eaten?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Meadow, baby, you can’t keep skipping meals.”
“I don’t, Onyx. I grab something throughout the day.”
“Okay. Are you going to visit Mak and Yaya today?”
She shakes her head.
“Isn’t today your monthly scheduled luncheon?”
She nods.
“Then why aren’t you going? You’ve skipped the last couple.”
Meadow sighs loudly and drags her hand through her hair once more. Some days, time seems like it’s flying by, while other days, time drags on.
The news media indicated that police believed the assailant had moved on to another area. With that statement, the media moved on to other more pressing and interesting stories.
Unfortunately for us, we haven’t moved on. It’s like we’ve been stuck in a bubble or a time capsule. Meadow refuses to continue therapy. She went to one session and then quit. No matter what I say to her, she won’t return and she won’t allow me to attend with her.
“I’m not in the mood for company, okay? I really wish you’d stop pestering me about it.”
“It will be good for you to get out and be around—”
“Crying babies? Lactating mothers? I don’t need that,” she says sadly.
I lean back in my chair as my heart sinks. I don’t know what to do for my wife, and she’s not helping me. She’s effectively pushed her friends and our family away claiming that she’s always busy with a new dance choreography or program.
Truthfully, she’s lost interest in dance, as well. She goes to the studio and she teaches her students, but that light and passion aren’t in her eyes anymore. She’s forbidden me to say a word about it to our families.
I’m struggling to handle this on my own, and I question myself a thousand times a day whether I’m equipped for the role.
The answer that always shows itself is, “Of course you are.” I said I do, in sickness and in health, and for better or for worse. I said that I would be here for her, and I meant it.
Only no one told me that “for worse” would be this hard, this excruciating, or this gut-wrenching.
“Have you given any more thought to seeing that therapist?”
“I don’t need counseling, Onyx.”
“Well, maybe I do. Maybe I need some support to help me better take care of you and myself,” I say, growing frustrated with Meadow’s dismissive attitude. “The least we can do is attend couples’ therapy or someone who can help us get our sex life back.”
“Is that all you think about?”
“It’s not all, but yes, I think about it a lot. It’s been just over two months, MJ. Two months since you’ve let me hold you, love you, and I need it.”
“Then, damn it, get some counseling. Get a hooker. Get whatever you need! Just leave me the hell alone!” she snaps.
Just like that, she ends the call.
“Fuck!” I grumble, slamming my iPad closed.