Page 61 of Tangled Up In You

Even with all the crazy shit in his past, Fitz had never had an out-of-body experience before. But when he and Ren climbed out of the hot tub, put themselves back together in silence, eyes averted, and stepped into the elevator, it was like everything that happened in the previous hour existed only in a vague fog somewhere behind them. Gone was the loose-limbed heat of the hot tub; their shoulders were now squared, gazes pinned on the closed doors as they rose through the building.

He felt trapped in his own head, unable to think of the best thing to say. She had to know what that was, right? She had to know that he didn’t just want to teach her how to kiss, he wanted to kiss her. He wanted her.

No matter what you’re thinking right now, that was the best kiss I’ve ever had.

I want to see you again when we both get back to Spokane.

It wasn’t until Ren got out on the fifth floor with a quietly mumbled “Good night” and the doors closed again that the truth hit him like a slap: A better man would have said these things out loud to her. Kissing Ren had been the first thing he’d done in a long time that wasn’t motivated by resentment, revenge, or fear. And right now, Fitz stood squarely at the fork in the road.

In his own room, he looked around at the empty darkness, imagining the rest of the night spent alone, with room service or snacks from a vending machine, the television on in the background, a vague, muted drone. A shapeless sadness began to take root, and when he imagined Ren doing the same thing, the amorphous feeling spiked into a pulse of anxiety.

What was he thinking, kissing her and sending her off like that?

He showered at light speed, pulled on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and took the stairs two at a time to the fifth floor and room 546. He knocked once, then again, and leaned in closer to the crack in the doorway. “It’s me, Sunshine.”

A few seconds later, Ren pulled the door open, her hair still loose and wet, a clean towel in her hand. “Hey.”

She stared up at him in confusion, and yeah, he got it. He was being confusing again.

“I was just about to get in the shower,” she told him, waiting for whatever it was he’d come there to say.

“My room was so big and quiet,” he explained, stepping past her. “And it was sort of boring up there alone.” He flopped back onto her bed. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind some company.”

She let the door swing closed but hovered in the entryway, studying him. “I’d be okay, Fitz,” she said finally. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Who says I’m here because I was worried?”

She walked deeper into the room and stood at the foot of the bed, cheeks pink, lips still a little swollen from his gentle attack on them not ten minutes ago. “Come on.”

“What would I be worried about?” he asked, knowing his face wasn’t masking a thing he felt for her.

She laughed. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

He grinned. “Yeah.”

“You’re worried that I’m here feeling confused after…” She pointed down to the floor, indicating the lower level. “After that.”

“A wise woman once told me, if I can’t talk about it, I shouldn’t be doing it.”

“A wise woman, huh?” Ren asked, pinning him with a raised brow.

He swallowed, warring with the instinct to take back the way he’d opened the subject. Finally, he said, “Her name is Mary. She’s one of the reasons I’m going to Nashville.”

“Is she a friend?”

Friend, mother, savior…His thoughts trailed off. “She’s a lot of things,” he admitted.

Ren’s expression crashed, and Fitz realized how it had sounded. “No, no. Mary is in her sixties,” he told her, and he could immediately see the way her eyes grew hungry, wanting more. But his stomach growled loudly, and they both laughed. “For another time, apparently.” Ren looked like she wanted to protest, so Fitz spoke before she could. “How about we order room service and have a slumber party?” He patted the mattress at his hip. “We get to Nashville tomorrow. You’re going to miss our roomie routine.”

“You can’t be serious,” she said, but she was grinning. “This is only a double bed.”

“Like you said, I barely move all night anyway.”

“Yesterday you looked like you wanted to crawl out of your skin because we had to share a bed twice this size.”

“Because I wanted to kiss you so bad,” he blurted.

Ren’s lips parted, her hand going lax and dropping the towel to the floor. “You what?”