Page 81 of Controlled Burn

“Yeah, I had breakfast before I left the house. I don’t think I could eat right now, anyway.”

“Me, either.”

I pulled my hand out of hers and gave her a smile. “I think I need to get a little air. I’m going to step just outside the door. Will you send someone after me if the doctors come back?”

“Of course, dear. There’s a door that leads outside just to the right. There’s even a nice little fountain there if that helps.”

“Do you want me to come with you, son?” my dad asked as he started to stand.

“No, Dad, thanks. I just need a minute.”

I stood up and rushed out of the room, turning right and going a short way down to the hall to find the door she mentioned. I pushed through to find myself in a pretty little courtyard that I’m sure was supposed to be calming, but I knew the only thing that would calm me down was the news that Keith would be okay.

I walked over and stared at the fountain anyway, hoping that maybe even if it couldn’t bring me peace, it would at least be a momentary distraction.

This was why I knew getting involved with a firefighter was a bad idea. This kind of thing could happen at any time, on any shift. I knew that going in, and for some reason, I thought Keith was immune to the same danger all firefighters face, which was naïve of me. He’d said that they were careful and that they trained to make sure they stayed safe, but all the training in the world couldn’t protect you from a fall like this.

For just a second, I had this insane urge to flee the hospital and go as far away as possible, but I knew I wouldn’t leave, not as long as we didn’t know if Keith was going to be okay or not. But after that… I just wasn’t sure.

The door behind me pushed open quietly, and I turned to find Keith’s mom standing there.

“Are you okay, Caleb?”

I wanted to be strong, to tell her I was okay. She was every bit as worried about Keith as I was, and the last thing she needed was to see me fall apart. But the words lodged in my throat, and I couldn’t get them out, which was okay because I was sure the tears running down my cheeks answered that question for me.

I shook my head, and my breath came in gasps as she rushed to me and wrapped me in her arms. She didn’t say anything; she just let me cry. After a couple of minutes, I pulled back and looked at her.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Being the partner of a firefighter is hard.”

I took a step away from her, and something about the kindness in her eyes gave me permission to tell her my biggest fear.

“I don’t know if I can do it. I want to. I really do, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go through this.”

“Let me ask you a question.” I nodded, and she went on. “Do you love my son?”

“I do. I haven’t even told him that yet, but I do.”

She gave me an approving smile. “Then you can do this. Besides, my son knows what this life is like. He lived it as a child, and he saw me live it as a wife. He wouldn’t have picked you if he didn’t believe you were strong enough. He believes in you, Caleb. Now, you just have to believe in yourself. Can you do that?”

I thought back to that day when I told him I was afraid. He’d said exactly that. That I could handle more than I thought I could. That he believed in me. All I had to do was believe in myself that I was strong enough. Besides, what choice did I have? The alternative was to walk away now, and life without Keith, because I was scared, was much worse than the idea of losing him later on because of his job. Assuming there was a later on and he survived today.

I took a deep breath and met her eyes. “I can try. Keith told me one time that all he could ask of me was that I tried.”

“Good answer. That’s all any of us can do, really. Just try every day to be strong enough for what we’re dealing with at the time. Now, let’s go back to the waiting room. The doctors should be there any minute.”

She slipped her arm through mine, and we walked together down the hall. When we entered the room, I noticed a few new firefighters had joined us. They were pretty dirty, so I assumed they came straight here from the scene.

Andy was one of them, and I was relieved to see that he was okay. He saw us come in, and he hurried over, carrying a puppy, of all things.

“Here,” he said to me. “You hold him.”

I instinctively held out my arms, but I had no idea why he had a puppy in the hospital or why Andy was handing him to me.

“He was with Keith when we found him. Keith had either lost his helmet in the fall, or he’d pulled it off, but this little guy was right there with him, licking him on the face, trying to wake him up.”

I leaned down and nuzzled the back of his neck. “Thank you for watching over him, little one,” I murmured as I wrapped my arms a little tighter around the little guy before looking back up at Andy. “But he’s just a baby.”