Page 12 of Impossible Rapids

And she was the worst person in the world. Mercedes’s last weeks on earth had been spent married to Shawn. Julie should be thrilled they’d had that time together as a married couple and should focus on helping Shawn as he grieved what he had lost. Instead, she jealously wished she’d been right all along and her closest friends hadn’t loved each other romantically.

Reality slammed into her like a dam bursting. Oh goodness, they’d been secretly married and she’d been fantasizing about her best friend’s husband. She was going to throw up in her mouth.

And now Mercedes was trying to shove Shawn and Julie together. This was seriously messed up. What had her friend been thinking? She’d seemed mentally with it up until the end, even if she sometimes forgot things, but maybe she’d become delusional, forgot about social protocols, and forgot that her husband had committed himself to her and wouldn’t want to move on to Julie the day of her funeral.

Goodness, Mercedes. How awkward.

Goodness, Julie. Stop fretting and be happy.

Julie wanted to growl back.

From the way Shawn wouldn’t meet her gaze and Cash and Brylee were shifting uncomfortably, she knew it wasn’t just her that was confused and awkward.

“We’re going to push the start time of the show to give you all a chance to get everything in order so you can go and relax and have the best time together. Oh, and I guess you’ll need some time to grieve me leaving you for heaven before you move on with your lives.” Mercedes laughed as if that was some joke.

Julie adored her friend, but right now she wished she could shake some sense into her and then beg to know what she was thinking. She definitely needed some time to process this mess.

“On June tenth, you’ll fly out for your adventure,” Mercedes said on the screen.

“A month? One month,” Julie exploded, rocking up on her chair. “That’s all the time we need to grieve her? Move on?” She shook a fist at the screen Brandon had paused again. He’d either practiced this with Mercedes or he was very instinctive. “Mercedes, I want to kick your skinny little rear!”

Brylee and Franz both laughed at that. Brandon smiled at her, which for some reason made Shawn glower. Cash looked as if he were trying to piece some things together.

“I guess depending on when I pass, you might not have much time to prepare,” Mercedes said from the screen, drawing their attention back to her. “Calm down, Jules. It will all work out. The world will keep ticking without you for five days.” She winked. “You should thank Brandon. I was pushing for the end of May.”

Brandon paused the show and looked at Julie as if she should thank him. Was he serious? Was Mercedes serious? A month. One month to get everything in order to drop off the face of the world for a week.

Julie could not believe this. She could protest being on the reality show with Shawn, but she wouldn’t. She’d never told Mercedes no and Mercedes was betting on that. Julie wanted this time with Shawn, her friend. The vacations they’d taken with Mercedes on or in the water, he’d truly become a Viking. She wanted to see that again, hoped they could heal together, as friends.

Keep telling yourself that, sister.

Don’t push me right now, she growled back. I’m stewing.

She could imagine Mercedes’s laughter.

Julie shook her head and thought it through—dealing with all the emails and condolences for Mercedes, so many details with the reality show edits and promotions, Mercedes’s charities and her own. The million dollars would be a huge boost for her charity, and if she stopped working for Franz or Shawn, she could focus completely on her charity with that boost of money.

Shawn studied her. She found herself wanting to reassure and help him, tease him and make him laugh. That was what she did. But right now, she was at her wit’s end.

“Okay, okay.” She locked gazes with Shawn, wanting him to tell her it wasn’t okay. It was too much and nobody would expect it of her. He wisely didn’t say anything. “If I’ve only got a month, I’d better get things in order.” Julie started to stand. She wanted out of this room in the worst way.

“Julie, please. One more moment.” Brandon held up a hand. “The video isn’t finished.”

Julie sank back down and gritted her teeth. She was finished. If she didn’t get out of this room soon, the little explosion she had moments ago would be nothing. She loved Mercedes, but her friend was a master schemer—or maybe manipulator was a better word.

Why would Mercedes push Julie at Shawn, her husband? That word left a bitter taste in her mouth. She was hurt they’d left her out of their wedding, and she was selfishly even more devastated that Shawn hadn’t harbored a secret crush for her like she’d fantasized about all along. Her world felt upside down, and she needed some time to wrap her mind around seeing Shawn and Mercedes in a different light. As a married couple. She shuddered.

Shawn always teased and laughed with her in a different way than he did anyone else, even Mercedes. Julie had taken it as borderline flirting, thought they had something special between them, especially when he met her gaze or touched her. She’d imagined sparks and joy and light when they touched.

She’d been so wrong, sickeningly wrong, misperceiving the entire situation. Shawn was far too moral and loyal to be flirting with Julie while secretly married to Mercedes. He’d been joking with her. Like he would Jagger or Hays. As a friend. And she’d taken it as flirting because she was enamored with him.

She tasted bile again, sick at her own wayward thoughts. Also angry. Why couldn’t Mercedes or Shawn have simply told her they were in love love with each other? Had something changed when Shawn accepted Mercedes had zero chance of survival and he either realized his best friend was the love of his life or he got brave enough to proclaim the romantic love he’d always had in his heart for Mercedes? Had they married to protect Mercedes’s inheritance? No way would Shawn marry Mercedes for her money. That wasn’t the Shawn she knew at all. Yet maybe she knew nothing. It felt that way right now.

Shawn met her gaze, and his blue eyes were full of compassion and misery. Compassion for Julie because he knew she’d harbored a secret crush? Misery because he’d lost the love of his life? She had to stop reading into every look.

Julie only felt miserable herself. Selfish and miserable and she needed out of this room and away from him before she really embarrassed herself and demanded to know when he’d decided he loved Mercedes, as in, let’s get married kind of love.

“Let’s get it done then,” Julie snipped at the group, then instantly felt guilty. Franz and Shawn deserved to enjoy this time of listening to Mercedes talk, seeing her on the screen. Even if Mercedes was acting like a devious little schemer, not the benevolent and irrepressibly happy angel they all knew and loved.