Page 25 of Impossible Rapids

“Me too.” Tears pricked at her eyes. She missed Mercedes fiercely. She hadn’t had time to mourn her friend with all the work she needed to accomplish and the longing she couldn’t control for her friend’s husband. What a convoluted nightmare. She looked over and Shawn was watching them.

Belinda’s parents had stepped out onto the porch and were speaking with Franz. Jagger tugged Shawn over to his future in-laws. Shawn was a little stiff with them, which Julie had expected. Her friend was fiercely loyal to Jagger, and Belinda’s parents had kept Belinda and Jagger apart for fourteen years. Even if Jagger had forgiven them, it would take Shawn a while to do the same.

“Is he okay?” Hays asked quietly.

“I … haven’t seen him much,” she admitted, not willing to tell even Hays the conflicted feelings she was dealing with in regard to Shawn.

Hays turned to her, his dark eyes serious as he looked down at her. Even with heels on, her friends all had her by half a foot. “Jules. I know you’re mourning too and have a heavier workload than a doctor in his first year of residency, but you and Shawn need each other. Can you stay close to him? For both of your sakes.”

Her sisters had teased her sometimes that Hays was interested in her. If she hadn’t been so mesmerized with Shawn, she would’ve been thrilled to date kind-hearted, ultra-impressive, tough, and handsome Hays. But she could see in his dark eyes that he only cared about Shawn. If he’d ever had feelings for Julie, he’d buried them to let her focus on his friend.

“It’s rough navigating our friendship without Mercedes being part of it,” she admitted quietly.

The rest of the group were all talking animatedly, but Shawn stayed slightly back, watching her and Hays.

Hays turned her into him with his arm. Cradling her against his chest, he bent down close to her ear. She couldn’t see past his broad shoulders.

“I’m not just talking about friendship.” He met her gaze, his dark eyes full of meaning.

“Hays,” she protested, hopefully quietly. “He and Mercedes were married.”

He only arched an eyebrow.

“Read my lips,” she said, enunciating each word. “Married.” Hays was the furthest thing from slow, but she had to stand her ground or she’d push everybody out of the way and kiss Shawn for a very long time.

“And what do you think that means?”

“It means friendship is all I can offer him.” She should add ‘for now,’ but she didn’t know how to navigate the parameters of falling for her best friend, who had loved deeply her other best friend and committed his life to hers. Even the harshest of Shawn’s online critics calling him ‘cold, hard, off-putting, not worthy of the vivacious and sunny Mercedes Belle’ had always admitted that he was unquestionably devoted to Mercedes.

Hays cradled her close and sighed. “I’m not saying either of you need to move on quick. Let the mourning for Mercedes take precedence, but don’t close your heart, Jules. I’ve been stunned by the happiness Jagger has now.”

She studied him. “Then why aren’t you pursuing that happiness?”

Hays’s warm, friendly eyes closed off. “It’s not possible for me, but for you and Shawn? I think you can heal together and eventually find something incredible between you.”

Her heart thudded out of control. She leaned around Hays’s large frame just enough to see Shawn. He was watching them, his eyes a lighter blue, almost glacier cold. The way they looked in so many online photos of him by Mercedes’s side.

She jolted. His eyes never looked that way when he looked at Julie.

The rest of the group was unfortunately watching them as well. Hays released her and they walked over so she could meet Belinda’s parents, Pastor Sheldon and Aimee Ralphs. Very nice people. People who had kept Jagger and Belinda apart for fourteen years. But Jagger had forgiven them, and all was well and happy.

She snuck another glance at Shawn. Why did he look so unyielding? Every line of his face and body was taut.

Nothing was well and happy with them.

Chapter

Seven

Shawn couldn’t stop stewing over Hays cradling Julie close. Twice. He’d often wondered if Hays—happy, thoughtful, yet tougher and more impressive than anyone but Jagger—was interested in Julie.

Was Hays going to make his play? Now, when Shawn couldn’t? Shawn couldn’t compete with Hays even if he could give it his all and show Julie exactly the kind of sparks and happiness they could have together.

He was sick to his stomach thinking about Hays and Julie, but he wanted them both to be happy, so he tried to be objective and unselfish about this. Hays was Shawn’s opposite in so many ways—warm, friendly, fun, almost a boyish and innocent look about him, even with all the death and pain he’d seen and inflicted.

Hays was a much better match for vivacious and giving Julie. And Julie was obviously conflicted about Shawn, thinking he’d been happily married to their best friend. Every interaction between them was laced with sadness and guilt. Julie didn’t need that.

So Shawn put on the mask he’d worn for many years. No one could hurt him or see what he was truly feeling when he wore it.