Page 2 of Trusting His Heart

“No. There is another clinic in Germany, I’m waiting on them to return my call.”

“Geoff, we have tried everything. It was always going to be a longshot, and you have already given up so much for me. It’s time to let go, to let me go.”

“Sweetheart, save your breath and strength. We will keep fighting.”

“Mrs Swains, can I have a moment with your husband?” The doctor, always interrupting. Okay, Geoffrey admitted at the time, the doctor was the world-renowned oncologist and agreed to treat Rachel twelve months previously when the Australian surgeons gave her less than six months.

They left Australia against medical advice and put themselves in the hands of Professor David. In the twelve months, they witnessed the miracle recovery and remission of other patients, some far worse than Rachel.

He gave them hope when they had none. No amount of money or gift was enough to reward Professor David for this bonus, stolen year together.

“Geoff, how are you doing?” The concern as genuine as their friendship. Twelve months of invitations to share Sunday roast with Professor David’s family and Geoffrey bringing back left overs to share with Rachel. For months, she loved the left over roast potato and pumpkin dipped in the rich, brown gravy.

When she stopped eating the leftovers, he stopped going over for dinner. What would be the point?

“Geoff? You need to talk to someone.”

“I’m waiting to hear from Germany.”

“They called me.” Professor David motioned Geoffrey to sit down in the corridor outside Rachel’s room. Geoffrey resisted, knowing good news would have been given in front of Rachel, yet he needed to hear the truth if only to start looking for other options, other cures. From his seat, he managed to still see her through the glass door, so small in the big hospital bed. Covered in blankets to keep her fragile frame warm.

“And?” Geoffrey already knew before he heard the words.

“You know the odds were already against her when she was diagnosed. We have done the chemo wash more times than recommended, buying her the months you wanted.” Geoffrey shook his head, denying the words even though he knew them to be true.

“There is nothing more we can do.” Professor David paused to allow the news to sink in. “Germany would have stopped the washes after the second time.”

“What now?” Again, Geoffrey already knew the answer but needed to hear the words from someone else. He didn’t have the strength to give his wife her death sentence.

“Geoffrey, she’s stopped eating, the pain is getting harder to manage. If it wasn’t for her love for you, she would have let go months ago. We have kept fighting for her, because she knows you aren’t ready to let her go.”

Tears welled in Geoffrey’s eyes. Damn it, he wouldn’t allow the himself to cry. He had to be the strong one, strong enough to save her.

“What can I do? I will do anything to save her, doc,” he begged “Please, doc, just tell me what to do.”

Geoffrey hoped the passion of his plea would change the news. Instead, his friend, Rachel’s doctor, struggled with his own composure.

“Geoff, you need to love her enough to let her go. Tell her she can let go. She has fought and suffered enough, it’s time but she needs your permission.”

For her final hours, he stroked the thin strands left of her hair. Kissed every part of her thin white hand and arms. He sang her favorite tunes and held her hand as she took her last breath.

Ten years. How did life continue for ten years without her?

The scratching’s on paper written in the dead of night as he sat by her side became his greatest thesis, published weeks before her death.

Feted by universities across the world, Geoffrey accepted every invitation, preferring the applause of strangers to the pity in the eyes of his friends, her friends and family.

The man who returned to Australia a year later was unrecognizable.

The soft and gentle nature had been lost in the vicious fight against the disease. His previous patience with students became a challenge to them to excel or quit. He now inspired brilliance and unwittingly became the drawcard for the best and brightest students from across the globe. If they survived Professor Swains, their degrees truly meant something.

As for love, he didn’t expect or want to find it again.

Rachel could be replaced in his bed but never his heart.

A series of monogamous yet inappropriate relationships with students was enough to stop his friends and their wives from trying to “help him find happiness again”.

What did they know about happiness? They were the ones who thought him mad to put his career on hold as they travelled looking for a cure.

Rachel. He had survived ten years without Rachel.

Geoffrey downed a shot of bourbon as the plane rose into the sky, heading back to the States and the anniversary of his work published.

Ten years seemed like yesterday.