Page 36 of Trusting His Heart

Trust the head or heart

Bec ran her tongue across her lips as they parted, she felt her heart pounding in her chest and wanted to trust the warnings screaming in her head.

Geoffrey finally admitted he wanted – no – he needed and loved her. Words she longed for after he pushed her away and now so easy to throw out to win her back. She wanted to succumb to the moment and to his arms, but it was too soon for both of them. Despite his cancer, he had to earn her trust, again.

“Geoff,” she kissed him softly on the cheek, the rough stubble teasing her lips. “Don’t keep saying words you don’t mean. You received some tough news from your doctor and you are reacting. You don’t love me anymore now than you did yesterday, a week ago or even a month ago when you broke up with me.”

“It was … I made a mistake,” his eyebrows narrowed together as he ran his fingers through hers, like he used to before they made love.

She shook him off, trying to keep some sort of distance between their bodies and hoping her own didn’t betray her. “Geoff, you were quite clear when you ended things between us, I accepted it and moved on. Now it’s time for you to do the same.”

Bec needed to leave quickly while Geoffrey was stunned and shaken enough to move aside while she got in. Her efforts to appear composed evaporated when she dropped her keys down the side of the car. “Damn.” Not a strong enough statement for the frustration of being stuck, looking for her keys and spending more time together before she could drive away.

“Hey, let me help,” Geoffrey knelt at the side with his arm stretched down for the keys. She couldn’t help running her fingers ever so gently through his hair. When he looked up he gave her the same smile from when he used to look up from between her legs. This time his gift to her keys and freedom.

“Thanks. I need to go.”

“Can I call you sometime, start again,” she resisted the pleading in his eyes and shook her head while starting the car. “C’mon, Bec, you can’t deny me – I need a friend – I got cancer!”

He showed off a forced pitiful look and she couldn’t help laughing. “Seriously? You are playing the ‘don’t walk away I have cancer’ card with me? Do you think this is my first fight with the dragon?”

“Does that mean I can call you?”

“You can call, don’t expect me to answer,” he jumped out of the way as she took off, the door closing as she turned out of the carpark driveway.

Perhaps he meant it, she thought, perhaps he did love her. Or perhaps he didn’t want to die alone and he thought she wouldn’t say “no.”

“Did you send her the flowers?” Geoffrey resisted Layla’s attempts to push him out the door until he got an answer.

“Yes, Professor, they would have been delivered this morning.”

“Has she called to thank me?” Now he delayed leaving by fumbling with his jacket, damn stupid piece of fabric, “Of course she will, she has the most beautiful manners, doesn’t she, of course she does.”

“Professor, you will be late for class. If you are late, the Vice Chancellor will ask Professor Phillips to take over for you for the rest of the semester.”

“He wouldn’t dare!” Geoffrey shouted, finally winning his battle with the jacket. “He needs me, the students demand me.”

“Professor,” Layla said softly, not knowing if he wanted to hear what she needed to say, “He might need you but if you keep pushing the boundaries of your relationship, he might decide he can live without you.

Geoffrey’s face was already pale from a month of radiation treatments. “Like I pushed Bec away, you mean. I told myself she needed me more than I needed her and now she won’t even thank me for flowers.”

“Well the good news is she hasn’t rung me to stop me from ordering them. She hasn’t cancelled them from the florist – and you have been sending them every day.”

There the problem lay, he had been too predictable, he slammed his fist against the doorframe, “Cancel all orders!”

“What? Now? Why,” if the look of surprise on Bec’s face when the flowers failed to show for the first time in a month was as huge or great as Layla’s, then perhaps he stood a chance.

“Please, Layla,” he said conspiratorially, “Cancel the flowers cancel all the future orders,” he winked as he left for class – his class.

Before she awoke, the scent of flowers throughout her unit reminded her of Geoffrey. He was her last thought at night and her first thought every morning.

He said he loved her, and pursued her like no other man ever had. Unbeknown to him, she developed a friendship with his secretary who kept her up to date with his treatments and his mood.

Every fact screamed she could trust him, but she could open herself up to him again.

“Dear, what is holding you back?” Layla asked her last week. Good question - she had been down this road before. Loved a man who pushed her away until he needed her strength to help him fight, and then through death he finally abandoned her.

That experience had hurt, emotionally and financially. She lost her heart and her way.