Page 84 of Finding Forever
“It’s stress,” Alex said softly. “Can I ask you something?”
I swallowed what I was eating and nodded.
“When Mike died, did you see a counselor?”
I knew where this conversation was going and it would be hard. “I saw a police psychiatrist for a while.”
“And?”
I placed my muffin in its box. “I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”
Alex didn’t seem surprised. “How are you feeling today?”
“Right at this minute?”
“If you like.”
I studied the expression on my friend’s face. Unlike my psychiatrist, he wasn’t asking out of professional curiosity. He was asking because he cared. “I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t find anything to keep me afloat.”
“What would keep you afloat?”
I rubbed my hands across my eyes. “Knowing that Riley’s all right. Going to sleep and waking up to find this was all a bad dream.”
“We can get you help with some sleep, but nothing will change what happened.”
I looked down at my hands. “Two days before Riley was hurt, I drove into Broomfield to look for an engagement ring. I love him.” I searched Alex’s face, expecting him to be shocked. “Does nothing surprise you?”
“You’d have to be blind not to see how much you care about each other. Does what happened yesterday change anything?”
I crossed my arms in front of my chest to stop them from shaking. “I can’t do it.”
“What can’t you do?”
“I can’t marry him. I can’t have a relationship with him. What if someone else makes my life a living hell? Riley could have died.”
Alex leaned forward. “You’re the reason he lived. You found Riley and stopped Chapman from killing him. Then you climbed the tree to make sure he was okay. Without your help, he would have died before the police found him.”
“He wouldn’t have met Chapman if it weren’t for me.”
“Perhaps, but no one knows what the future holds. He could have been hurt when his apartment in Italy was broken into. He could have bought a ticket to Colorado on a plane that crashed, or he could have choked on a piece of apple. Our lives aren’t full of signposts telling us where to go. We make the best decisions we can, then move on from there.” Alex’s eyes never left my face. “Promise me three things.”
“I’ll try.”
“You’ll come with me to see a doctor, then go back to my hotel room to sleep for a few hours.” He held up his hand when I started to interrupt. “That’s two things. You won’t need to worry about Riley. I’ll stay with him while you sleep. The third promise is that you won’t make any big decisions until you find what you need to keep afloat.”
“That could take months.”
“It doesn’t matter. If you love Riley, those feelings will still be there when you’re ready to do something about them.”
I breathed deeply. “How did you get to be so wise?”
“I’ll tell you about it another day.” Alex held up his muffin and smiled. “Bon appétit.”
sixty-one
RILEY
“You don’t have to babysit me,” I told Alex. “The nurses will help me with anything I need.”