Page 22 of Keeping Caroline
Chapter 14
The Phoenix
“Take a left here,” I said, trying to force confidence into my voice as I pointed at a narrow road that veered off the main path. We’d only been in the car for about ten minutes, heading back to my cottage from Ethan and Scarlett’s cabin, but the sun was setting, and I knew of a beautiful place to watch it. Still, my heart was pounding a million miles per hour against my ribcage. I didn’t know what I was doing, but apparently, I was still going to do it, because my body knew I needed it even if my head was all over the place.
Tristan hesitated for a second, his hazel green eyes searching mine. “Are you sure?”
I nodded, butterflies fluttering in my stomach at the thought that maybe he realized what this was as much as I did. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if I knew what this was, but I couldn’t deny the tension between us as he drove down the winding road. I found myself stealing glances at him, admiring the way his hands held the steering wheel with a confidence I didn’t feel. There was chemistry between us, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to fight it. The wedding band on my finger wasn’t going to bring my husband back, no matter how much I wished otherwise.
“There’s a lookout point down here to watch the sunset. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard about it.”
With a small smile, Tristan maneuvered the car down the winding road, following my lead. As the road narrowed and twisted, the trees on either side began to encroach in on us, creating almost a natural tunnel that blocked out all but the most determined slivers of the sun. When we reached the end of the road where there was a small empty parking lot, the world opened before us.
“Wow,” Tristan said as he shifted the car into park. “This is incredible.”
For a moment, we just sat there, but then he turned to look at me, the golden sunset reflecting off his glasses. “Do you want to get out?”
Tugging my lip between my teeth, I nodded, but before I could grab the handle, he was already on his way around the front of the car, opening my door. I took his hand and walked beside him to stand at the railing.
The forested valley below was untamed, a sea of mountains and lush green, crowned with wisps of clouds that seemed to dance in the evening light. A river snaked its way through the valley, its waters shimmering like liquid silver as it meandered through the dense forest below. As the wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it the scent of pine and wildflowers, an overwhelming sense of peace settled over me. In this place, miles from the world and its problems, it was just Tristan and me, sharing a moment that would forever be etched in my memory. I had been alone for so long, sheltering the fragile flame of my family from the harsh winds of the world. But in this moment, bathed in the afterglow of the setting sun, I realized that perhaps it was time to let someone else help tend the fire. Maybe, just maybe, it was time to let Tristan in—to let him stand beside me, not just as a guardian against the encroaching darkness, but as a companion to share in the light. At least, for one brave moment, it was a possibility my heart was offering to me, if that was what he wanted at all.
“Thank you for bringing me here.” My voice was barely audible over the rustling leaves, but I knew he heard me, because when I turned my eyes up to look at him, he was watching me with an intensity that made my breath seize in my chest.
Reaching forward, he brushed a stray lock of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. The tenderness of his touch sent shivers down my spine, making my heart race uncontrollably. Unable to help myself, I leaned into his touch, my eyes falling shut for the briefest moment. With every touch, the walls I had meticulously built around myself seemed to crumble, brick by brick, right under his fingertips. I reopened my eyes after a heartbeat, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry, it’s just been so—”
And then his lips were on mine, gentle at first, as if testing the boundaries of this unfamiliar terrain, but they stole the words from my tongue. The taste of him was intoxicating, a heady blend of mint and possibility, igniting a fire within me that burned away the shadows of hesitation.
Three years. It had been three years since I’d had a man’s lips on mine, and somewhere in my chest I knew there was a wound that still bled for Daniel, but when Tristan’s hands found the small of my back, pulling me into the heat of his body, a surge of desire washed over me, potent and undeniable. Yet beneath the waves of passion from every slide of his tongue and press of his lips, there was a tremor of vulnerability, a soft undercurrent of fear at the thought of how much I stood to lose once more. Still, I yielded to him, my fingers threading through his already disheveled hair, clinging to him as though he was already mine.
When we finally broke apart, breathless and dazed, the echoes of my past grief hovered at the edges of my consciousness. Daniel’s memory no longer cut as deep, but could it allow something new to grow amidst the ruins of my heart? It was an answer I didn’t have, but I needed this. I needed something to help me feel again—to feel alive, to feel like a woman, desired and loved. There was so much I wanted, and I didn’t know if Tristan was the man who could give it to me, or if he was even the man I wanted to, but I trusted him at that moment to make me feel again, and for that moment, it had to be enough.
Wrapping my arms around Tristan’s back, I looked into his eyes, the vulnerability in them mirroring what hollowed my insides. “I’m scared,” I admitted, the words tasting sour with truth. “Scared of losing again, of opening up and finding nothing but emptiness where love should be because I’ve already had my chance. I just don’t want this to change us. Even if things don’t work out, I need to know that we’ll still be there for each other as friends.”
Cupping my face, his thumbs wiped away the tears that had escaped unnoticed. “I know.” The words were so soft that I felt them against my lips more than I heard them. “I can’t promise you a future without pain or loss, Caroline. But I can promise you this—every moment with you is worth it, every second a chance to build something lasting. And no matter what, Caroline, I care about you. Nothing will ever change that. I’m not going to abandon you or your family.”
Taking in his words and allowing them to process, I nodded, rising on the tips of my toes to kiss him again. This time it was without restraint, fueled by a hunger that had long lain dormant within me, and I moaned, needing—wanting more.
Sensing my need, or feeling his own, Tristan’s hands roamed down my back, tracing the curve of my spine with a reverence that sent electricity cascading through my body. The rest of the world around us faded into insignificance as he pulled me into his arms, lifting me as though I was weightless and setting me down on the cool metal hood of his car. I arched into him, my fingers tugging gently on his hair, urging him to erase the empty spaces between us.
When we finally broke apart, a panicked look hit his eyes and he took a step back, the space between his eyebrows furrowing. The sudden rejection sent my heart crumbling to the ground. “Caroline, I’m so sorry. Maybe we’re moving too—”
Before he could finish his statement, I reached for him, pulling his lips back to mine. I kissed him hard and deep, not letting up until he groaned against my lips. Only then did I pull back, staring into his eyes. “I’m not going to let you take any blame for this, Tristan. I asked you to bring me here because I wanted this. I want whatever you’re willing to give to me… if only this once.”
My bold words seemed to surprise him as much as they did me. His eyes flared, his hand immediately returning to my face. “Are you sure? I can just take you home. It’s—”
I was already shaking my head. “The one thing I am sure about right now, Tristan, is that I want you to kiss me.”
With no more arguments on his lips, his hand slid around to cup the back of my head and he tugged me forward, his lips unforgiving as they devoured mine. Frantic need pulsed between us as his hands found the hem of my shirt, yanking it over my head and discarding it on the hood of the car beside us. His touch was electric, sending jolts of awareness skittering across every inch of my body. As the soft fabric fell away, I couldn’t help but think of the countless times I had undressed for Daniel, the intimacy of those moments forever etched into my memory, but my need was too strong to allow the guilt in. Not yet.
“Is this okay?” Tristan asked, his eyes locked on him as his fingers traced down the inside of my arm, leaving gooseflesh in its wake.
I nodded, a smile pulling up the corners of my mouth. “More than okay.” The truth was, I had never felt more alive, at least not for as long as I could remember. Despite the weight of grief and loss that still clung to me like a shroud, there was something about his presence that made me feel as though I was emerging from a long, dark night into the light of a new day.
Reaching around, I unclasped my bra, dropping it on top of my shirt beside me. The chilly night air pebbled my nipples, turning Tristan’s eyes dark as he took in the sight of me under the moonlit sky. His gaze was a caress, his touch gentle as he lifted his hands to my breasts, cupping them in his hands and rubbing his fingers along my nipples. Nothing about how he touched me was rushed, as though that moment between us was all that mattered.
Holding his eyes with mine, I reached for the hem of his shirt, fighting to steady my hands as I lifted it over his head. Everything about his sculpted body was perfect, as though he was carved from stone. My fingers itched to touch him, so I didn’t deny myself. After so long without touching a man, I wanted my fingers on every inch of his perfect body. I ran my hand down his abs, loving how he hissed when I cupped the intimidating bulge through his jeans, but before I could unzip his pants and see what exactly he was hiding in there—genuinely afraid it may be too much for me—he peeled my hand away, laying me back on the hood and crawling over me.
My breath hitched as his mouth found the swell of my breast, his tongue tracing a path of fire over the sensitive flesh. With a moan, my fingers tightened in his hair as he lavished attention on one nipple and then the other. “I’ve been wanting to get my lips on these since I first saw you.” His breath was warm against my skin, but the words made me shiver. “You are so fucking beautiful.”