Page 43 of Made for You
“Andy...” I begin, but a twinge of guilt stops me from objecting further. He’s been inviting me to come to his quarterly seminar since I left The Proposal. But I got pregnant so quickly, and there was Josh’s mom, and I had awful morning sickness, and then I was postpartum, and...
“Trust me, this won’t take long,” he says, lifting Annaleigh’s sweaty little body out of the baby carrier as her legs frog up. She immediately reaches for his glasses, her lower lip sticking out, her eyes bright with focus.
“Okay,” I say, dropping my purse and diaper bag on the floor and smoothing out my hair, painfully aware of the sweat marks on my shirt.
“Guys, guys,” says Andy, Annaleigh looking dubious on his hip as he walks toward the group. “This is Julia! And her little munchkin, Annaleigh. Let’s press pause on spinal mechanics and seize the moment, right?” He turns to me. “So, Julia, these are—well, a lot of people—but seriously, some of the brightest and the best.” He slices his hand toward them in turn. “Robotics, psychology, computer science, linguistics, bioengineering, two law professors—and our guest anthropologist who’s studying us while we study robotics!”
Everyone laughs, and a woman on the end takes a little bow.
I wave. “Hi.” The long metal table is already the center of their attention, so I walk into their midst and slip my weight onto its cool surface. The torso is behind me, where I don’t have to look at it. I even manage a smile. “What do you want to know?”
The questions come fast and furious. They’re not questions about my mechanics like I was expecting. Instead, I get:
Are you happy to be alive?
Are you at all drawn to religion and spirituality?
How would you describe your experience around love?
At first I’m thrown. Then I remember that these people already know about my mechanics. It’s the less tangible qualities they’re curious about.
“What are your thoughts on the afterlife?” asks the bioengineer, a short, muscled woman with a crew cut.
“Funny you should ask,” I say, and then I make them all laugh with my billboard anecdote. When the laughter has died down, I explain that I would like to dedicate more time to thinking about the spiritual side of existence, since it means so much to so many people. I just haven’t had the time yet. This earns another laugh, even though I didn’t mean that to be funny.
I try to stay gracious and patient as one question follows another, but Annaleigh’s getting fussy. I give Andy a pointed look.
“Two more minutes,” he says, passing Annaleigh to the anthropologist after I nod my approval.
From there, my sweet baby makes the rounds. The students seem genuinely delighted by her. To my surprise, she’s loving it, too, making adorable gurgles, even chuckling as she makes a grab for someone’s phone and successfully wedges the corner of it into her mouth. I find myself relaxing.
The questions turn to motherhood.
Did I know I wanted to be a mom right away?
Did I experience fear during my pregnancy?
As I answer, my mind drifts back to my last date with Josh before his final decision on The Proposal. We’d already talked about kids plenty of times, and what that might look like. He knew I could have normal pregnancies. He just wasn’t thrilled about my donated eggs. Synthetic eggs don’t exist yet, so a chamber inside me stores eggs from an anonymous human donor, releasing them in a way that perfectly simulates the monthly cycle.
“What do we know about this donor?” said Josh as we picnicked on the beach. We were sitting across from each other on a blanket on the sand, with wine and sandwiches between us. Cool air gusted in from the Pacific, blowing away little clouds of gnats.
“I mean...honestly? I haven’t asked.”
“But there would be genetic screening, right?”
“I’m sure they did their research,” I reassured him.
“But—”
“Shhh,” I said with a teasing smile as I climbed carefully over the food and wine, onto his lap, relishing every brush of skin and fabric, until my knees were locked around his hips. His hands automatically went to my waist. With a finger under his chin, I tipped his face toward me.
“Don’t you worry. We’re going to have beautiful babies,” I whispered, not knowing that in the secret places of my body, the cells that would become Annaleigh were already fusing together, dancing in the dark.
The memory makes me feel inexpressibly tender, that something so grand could be happening so quietly.
“Julia?” A voice cuts in. Andy, tapping his watch.
I nod and smile, hoping I didn’t just space out for very long.