Page 16 of Old Girls on Deck
Diana yawned. ‘I suppose I do.’
‘I expect that’s why you’re so good at quiz nights.’
We were quiet then for a while, the only sounds the occasional faint burst of laughter from somewhere down the corridor, or a door closing. I thought Diana must have gone to sleep, and I closed my eyes and relaxed.
Then she gave a huge sigh, and I heard the rustle of her bedclothes as she turned over, and some thumping noises as she pummelled her pillows.
‘Thanks a bunch. I’ve got ‘Bermuda Triangle’ going round my head on a loop now. “Look at it from my angle”…’
4
The following morning, I woke up at my normal time of seven o’clock, wondering where I was. Daylight was filtering through the gap in the curtains and Diana was snoring. I made a mental note to pick up some earplugs in the passenger shop later.
I made some tea, went to sit at the far end of the cabin and switched on the television, keeping the sound down as much as I could.
There was a shopping channel, the BBC news, a film in French and best of all Channel 100, Avanti Gossip, and a programme called Dick’s Diary which was in full swing.
The screen cleared to show our cruise director, Dick Dainty, interviewing other crewmembers in what looked like a broom cupboard. That morning, he was talking to two members of the dance troupe, one pert blonde, the other a dazzling redhead. He had evidently got them out of bed far earlier than they would have liked, and to add insult to injury, made them dress up in Copacabana feathers and stage make-up just so he could ask them how they spent their day.
The answer to this was effectively: 1) sleep as long as possible and 2) don’t drink until after the nine thirty show had finished.
Dick Dainty laughed, ignoring their sour looks and smoothed his comb-over flat over his pate.
‘You young girls, you make me laugh, bless your hearts!’ he said. ‘How do you think old fellows like me manage?’ He gave a laugh that encouraged them to insist he wasn’t old at all, but they just stared at him.
‘No, I can’t imagine,’ said the redhead with a straight face.
‘Right, well thanks girls, bless your hearts. I look forward to seeing you in the show tonight. And what is the theme for this evening?’
‘We’re doing the fabulous Tribute to the Sixties,’ said the blonde and waited for a beat, ‘Dick.’
Dick didn’t seem to notice her surly tone and pressed one hand to his glowing forehead.
‘My absolute favourite era,’ he said, ‘I wish I’d been around then. Miniskirts, Mary Quant, Carnaby Street, The Beatles, and of course, remembering those oldies and goldies. So many great songs. “You Can Get It If You Really Want”, “In the Summertime”, “If I Said You Have a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me”.’
The redhead smirked. ‘Probably not if I’m honest, Dick.’
The blonde leaned forwards. ‘And anyway, those were from the 1970s, Dick.’
‘Bless your hearts, you crack me up, really you do! Well, thank you ladies, and all of you salty band of voyagers listening, come to the Ocean Spray theatre this evening for our fabulous tribute night. Six thirty and nine thirty. Then dance the night away into the wee small hours to Raymond Russell and his Rag Time Swingers in the Seabreeze ballroom. Right then, this is Dick Dainty signing off for now, stay tuned for our old friend and shipmate, Wally the Weatherman, who will be here momentarily. And you know what they say, Dainty by name and Dainty by nature. I’ll be seeing you all soon. Bless your hearts.’
The camera faded but not before the redhead could be heard asking ‘Is that it?’
‘What on earth are you watching?’ Diana asked from her bed at the other end of the cabin. She sounded rather muffled.
‘Dick’s Diary,’ I said, ‘it’s hilarious. You must watch it.’
‘Not until I’ve had some coffee,’ she said, sitting up. ‘Did you sleep okay? Did I snore?’
‘Yes and yes,’ I said, flicking on the coffee machine and prodding at a few buttons.
We then switched to the channel showing the ship’s webcam, but that just showed some vast expanse of grey sea in front of us obscured by sea spray on the camera, and there wasn’t much excitement to be had.
‘I was trying to remember how long it’s been since I’ve been on a ship. It brings back so many memories of the times Casper and I travelled together. He was at his best on board a ship. He seemed more relaxed, despite all the pressures of the job. Better than when he was at home on leave, I remember that very clearly. The word went around the crew: W.O.B., which meant wife on board, so everyone had been on their best behaviour around me.
‘I was so proud of him, he had always looked so handsome and elegant in his uniform and every female eye had swivelled towards him when he walked through the ship, epaulettes gleaming. It did wonders for our sex life.’
She looked rather wistful for a moment and so did I.