Page 19 of Old Girls on Deck

‘I’ll look forward to that with pleasure.’

Juan was moving around the bench, encouraging, and helping some of the others who seemed to be taking it very seriously indeed. One woman was nearly in tears because her teddy bear orange wouldn’t stand up without the aid of several cocktail sticks. He passed me by without comment, as I tried to hide the mangled remains of the fruit underneath my hands.

Then he stopped by Diana and gave a broad smile.

‘Very good madame, how fortunate to see you here. With a little practice you will be doing me out of a job.’

I thought this was very unlikely, and I rolled my eyes at her.

‘Teacher’s pet,’ I muttered.

‘And Madame Evelyn. You are here again. I am delighted to see you.’

‘I’m no better, Juan,’ Evelyn said, rather resigned, ‘but I’ll keep trying.’

Eventually after some deliberation he picked a woman with pink hair at the far end of the room for the prize, which was a card of googly stick on eyes. What she was going to do with those was anyone’s guess, but at least she would be ready. I imagined her sticking them onto her husband’s boiled eggs one Sunday morning, and the two of them laughing. Or possibly he would look at her with incredulity and she would attempt to explain. Perhaps I would get some and try them out on Eddy. He’d find it hilarious.

‘That was interesting,’ Raphaël said, as he examined the pictures he had taken on his digital screen. ‘I hope you enjoyed it?’

‘Oh we did, didn’t we, Diana?’ I said, drying my hands on the edge of a tablecloth.

The once pristine bench which had resembled an operating theatre in its clinical precision and cleanliness, now looked as though there had been a badly behaved toddler group through. There were even bits of apple on the light fittings.

‘Good, good,’ Raphaël said thoughtfully.

‘Our friends back home will be amused and delighted by our newly acquired skills,’ Diana added. She seemed to be getting braver, and if I hadn’t known any different, I would have suspected her of flirting.

‘Will they?’ he said, rather confused.

I nodded. ‘Oh, absolutely. They won’t believe their eyes when they see what Diana can do with an orange.’

‘I’m sure that’s true.’ He looked back down at his screen and pressed his lips together as though deep in thought. Or perhaps he was trying hard not to laugh. ‘I didn’t realise, we have a celebrity in our midst?’

‘Really?’ I said, mildly interested.

I looked around, wondering if there was a stray Kardashian in our group. Or possibly a glossy, laughing reality show star. But then I wouldn’t have known any of them, unless they were attended by make-up artists, tweezing the fruit pulp out from under their fingernails.

‘Right then, we must be off,’ I said. ‘We need to find some lunch and then we have line dancing. I’m sure you must have enough pictures for one day?’

‘I will see you,’ he said, with a charming smile, ‘a bientôt. Until later.’

‘You shouldn’t have told him where we are going,’ Diana hissed. ‘Five quid says he will turn up.’

‘What trouble could we possibly get into there?’ I asked. ‘It’s just a bit of do-se-do isn’t it, and grapevine. And pretending to lasso things. We went to a class once about ten years ago at the village hall, don’t you remember?’

‘Vaguely.’

‘Evelyn, would you like to join us for lunch?’ I enquired.

Evelyn hopped down from her stool, quite sprightly for someone who must have been in her seventies.

‘I’d love to,’ she said with a friendly smile. ‘Where shall we go?’

I grabbed Diana by the arm and steered her towards the door. Then I realised she had a bit of orange stuck on her sweater which squelched under my fingers, and I quickly let go.

‘How have you managed to get so filthy? We were only cutting up fruit.’

‘It’s a talent,’ Diana said diffidently. ‘Let’s go to the Amité, would that suit you, Evelyn?’