Page 21 of Old Girls on Deck
‘What was he doing?’ I said. ‘Steering the ship or clapping people in irons? And actually, is there a prison on board ship? What do they do if someone breaks the law?’
‘It’s called a brig. And once you’re in there you won’t get out until the ship gets to port and then you’ll be handed over to the authorities. Why, what are you planning to do?’
‘Nothing, honestly. These fries are awfully good. I hope I don’t keep eating at this rate, I’m going to put all the weight I lost back on again. And I see a tray of desserts has just been rolled out.’
Suddenly there was a minor commotion behind us and through the double glass doors, flanked by two dancers dressed as Twenties flappers, came Dick Dainty. He held up his hands for attention and cheered as people turned to see what he was up to.
‘Good afternoon all, bless your hearts. I hope you are having a great time, everyone. You know me; I’m Dick Dainty, your cruise director. And these lovely ladies are Lianne all the way from bonnie Scotland, and Trudy who hails from the Emerald Isle.’ He turned, smiling broadly and the edge of Lianne’s feathered headdress nearly took his eye out. He recovered with remarkable composure. ‘I can promise you all a fun-filled trip, starting tonight with our very own Tribute to the Sixties. I hope to see you all there, ready to have a marvellous Avanti evening.’
He cheered again and was rewarded with some scattered applause. And then he fixed his beady eyes on Diana, and to my horror came trucking over, his small feet in polished shoes scudding rapidly underneath him.
She looked up at him, a forkful of fries halfway to her mouth.
‘Aha!’ he said loudly.
Of course, everyone within earshot turned in their seats to look. I could see the tips of her ears burning with embarrassment.
‘Our very own celebrity! I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see you, Mrs Wedderburn. You won’t remember me, but I remember your husband, God rest his soul. A real old salt, if ever I met one.’
He took her hand in both of his and shook it.
‘You’re very kind,’ she said.
‘It’s an honour, bless your heart. Yes, he was one of a kind. One of a kind. A legend. I bet you could tell some tales, couldn’t you?’
‘Probably,’ she said.
Across the table, I was starting to giggle, holding my napkin over my mouth.
Dick Dainty turned his beaming smile on to me and bowed over my hand.
‘And this lovely lady must be your sister, Mrs Jill Parker. The lucky winner of Radio Wonderful’s prize.’
‘Hello,’ I said, swallowing my mouthful.
‘And Lady Evelyn, how lovely to see you again. Anything you ladies need while you are on board, I shall make it my personal business to attend to,’ Dick said, looking rather wolfish.
‘You’re very kind,’ I replied, choking slightly.
‘If I could have a quiet word,’ he said, leaning down towards Diana, ‘I have been asked to convey the captain’s compliments, and let you know that you ladies have been upgraded to a suite which is unexpectedly available. He insisted when he heard you were on board. If you would like to take any personal possessions with you after lunch, the cabin staff will be delighted to move all your other things.’ He fumbled in his jacket pocket and presented us with two key cards. ‘The Picasso suite. On deck 11. I know you will be very comfortable there. Everything will be ready for you by four o’clock. And you’ll find a few treats to make up for the inconvenience, compliments of the Voyage Première line. Bon voyage, ladies!’ He turned to loudly address the curious onlookers. ‘Anyway, I shall look out for you all tonight, at our exciting show, Tribute to the Sixties! Six thirty and nine thirty in the Ocean Spray theatre. Be there or be square!’
And with that he trucked away, followed by Lianne and Trudy, who hurried on their high heels after him.
‘How weird was that?’ Diana said.
I was sipping water and trying not to cough.
‘Very surprising. Upgraded to a suite, eh? What a treat. I like the sound of that. We will be able to get to the loo without vaulting over the beds. I didn’t realise I was bringing a legend on board with me.’
‘The widow of a legend,’ she said, ‘it’s not quite the same. I should send another text to Sam to tell him we’re okay. And perhaps I should send him some more pictures. The trouble is the Wi-Fi isn’t very good.’
‘And Lady Evelyn?’ I said, turning to our companion. ‘That’s impressive.’
Evelyn flapped one tiny hand which was weighed down with a diamond ring the size of a marble.
‘Oh, believe me, I didn’t do anything, it’s reflected glory from Douglas my husband, who spent years doing something tedious in the Civil Service. I only use it when I want a restaurant table or better seats at the theatre. Sometimes I have been upgraded on a plane for absolutely no reason. People can be such snobs about that sort of thing. I think some of them imagine I know royalty or have inside gossip on the great and the good. When in fact I know very few people I would consider either great or good.’
I wondered what that would be like; the possibility of either being upgraded to business class or to a first-class cabin on my own merits were slim to none. And knowing Eddy he would have probably wanted to refuse out of embarrassment and then we would have had a hissing argument.