Page 37 of Becoming

“Who the fuck cares about anyone who doesn’t approve? I don’t live my life for those people.”

“I take it your parents approve.”

“Yeah, they’re cool. When I told them, my mom swore she knew before I did. Of course, I told her my sperm theory to set her straight.”

Rebecca shook her head. She loved Cassidy’s playfulness. Samantha was never like this. Hell, moments like this were unheard of. It was sex. And, of course, control.

“So, no awkward experimentations in college for you?”

“Uh.” Cassidy rubbed the back of her neck. “I didn’t go to college.”

“You seem embarrassed about that.”

“You’re just so smart. Academics were never my specialty, Rebecca. Art was. And I didn’t feel like I could learn how to hone my skills in a classroom learning math and shit. My dad hoped I’d be a lawyer, but my brother did that. My mom wanted me to do something that made me happy. And even though she didn’t agree with me not going to college, she knows my art makes me happy.”

“What you do with a paintbrush is magical, baby. You deserve to be in galleries.” Rebecca slapped her playfully when Cassidy made a face. “Stop. You’re more talented than occasional murals.”

Clearly uncomfortable with the compliments, Cassidy returned to what they were discussing before. “So, um, what about you, Rebecca?”

“Cuinn,” Rebecca offered.

“Cuinn. I like that. Rebecca Cuinn.” She said Rebecca’s full name as though she were rolling it around in her mouth like a fine wine. Then she cleared her throat when she saw Rebecca looking at her funny. “When did you know you were gay? Any sordid affairs in college?”

“Hmm, I think, like you, I always knew. Only, it wasn’t as talked about back when I was a teen so I did feel different.” She crinkled her nose at the thought. She didn’t enjoy the age difference between them, but it was something she would have to get over. “When I was in college I was too busy getting a double degree to explore anything. And, then, in my senior year, I met… Samantha.”

Cassidy averted her eyes and frowned. “She was your first?”

“Yes.”

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. “What about your parents? Are they supportive?” Cassidy asked, changing the subject.

Unfortunately, that was also an uncomfortable subject. “They, um, died when I was ten. They never knew, but I think I knew them well enough to believe they would be supportive.”

Cassidy sat up and took Rebecca in her arms. “Jesus, Rebecca. I’m so sorry. How?” She cringed and shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she apologized again.

“It’s okay, Cassidy.” She touched the younger woman’s cheek. “It was a drunk driver. Apparently, it was over in seconds. The police always think that it’s a comfort to say it was instant and they didn’t suffer. Unfortunately, to a ten-year-old, that doesn’t ease the pain.”

“Where did you go, you know, after?”

“My aunt, my mom’s sister, took me in. Listen, Cassidy, I know there are things in my life that have been horrible. But, it wasn’t all bad. I had a good life with my aunt. It helps that she’s a psychiatrist. I still talk to her as a therapist on a regular basis. Does that bother you?”

“Of course not! I think you’re the strongest, bravest woman I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t know if I’d say that…”

“I said it. And I mean it.” She leaned in and kissed Rebecca’s lips briefly. “Anyone who can go through what you went through and come out so incredible has to be strong.”

“You barely know me, Cassidy.”

“I know enough, Rebecca. You’re courageous, successful, intelligent. I mean, shit, you were getting a double degree while in college. You’re beautiful as fuck and you have an ass to die for.”

“Ah, yes. A quality to be proud of,” Rebecca laughed.

“You should be proud of that ass, baby! You know, your ass is the first thing I saw after you left your card on my table. I sure as shit didn’t want to be at that club that night. Thought I hated what that lifestyle stood for. But I would have followed that ass to the depths of hell if I thought I had a chance of fucking it.”

Rebecca lifted an eyebrow playfully. “And you did fuck it.” She kissed Cassidy a little deeper. “You can fuck it anytime you want, baby.”

“Hell, yeah.” Cassidy pushed Rebecca back into a prone position and laid on top of her. “This okay?” she asked softly.