Page 51 of Becoming
“Why would I be mad?”
Cass twirled her paintbrush in her fingers. It was a nervous habit she’d had for years. And, right at this moment, she was nervous as hell. “Because of my insecurity.”
Rebecca’s eyes softened. “Come here, baby.” She held her hand out to Cassidy and guided them to the small couch in the room. “It’s become clear to me that we…”
“Please don’t break up with me!”
“Oh, baby. It’s become clear to me,” Rebecca repeated as she held Cassidy’s hand, “that as much as we talk, we don’t really communicate. Not about true feelings. And, I know that’s my fault.”
Well, that’s not a breakup, Cass thought as she was able to breathe again. “No…”
Rebecca placed a finger over Cassidy’s lips, then pushed bangs out of her eyes. “It is. I don’t think I ever fully understood the impact it had on you when I ran away. The impact it had on us. Since we’ve been together, I’ve noticed how you now skirt around the issue of love. You’ll say everything but the actual words. I have to wonder if you’re still afraid I’ll run?”
Cass rubbed Rebecca’s knuckles with her thumbs. “No, I don’t think so. Not anymore. It’s just, you know, you said you wanted to go slow, baby. I’m trying to adhere to that. You have no idea how hard that has been because I am completely and undeniably in love with you, Rebecca.”
Rebecca closed her eyes and let that feeling wash over her. “I haven’t exactly adhered to taking it slow myself,” she said finally with a chuckle. “I’m here almost every night. And, if I’m not here, you’re at my place. On the one or two days we haven’t been together, we’ve talked on the phone until we fell asleep.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to push you. I think I pushed you too hard those nights in the Pink Room, came on too strong despite barely knowing each other. I shouldn’t have done that, but I was so desperate to keep you in my life. Now, I couldn’t imagine you not being in my life so I was trying not to pressure you.”
“That definitely wasn’t a complaint, Cassidy. I know I said we shouldn’t rush this, but being with you feels right to me. I knew from the moment I saw you in my club that I was in trouble.” Rebecca took a breath. “Thing is, I’ve never felt safer, more desired, or more cherished. I don’t think I could possibly explain what that means for someone like me. I thought that if I gave us a timeline, I could make sense of the strength of the feelings I have for you. Maybe I should just come to terms with the fact that not everything has to make sense. It’s time to stop isolating ourselves no matter how much I want to keep you to myself,” she winked.
“So, you’re not ashamed of me?” Cass’s heart was soaring, but the conversation with Rand haunted her.
Rebecca looked utterly confused. “Ashamed? Why on earth would I be ashamed of you? Have I ever made you feel that way?”
“No, it’s nothing you’ve done. But, I mean, I guess I can understand why you wouldn’t be eager to introduce me to your friends. Your friends are probably all successful, Ivy Leaguers.”
Rebecca stood, dragging Cassidy with her. She didn’t stop until they were standing in front of the mermaid mural in Cassidy’s living room.
“Do you see this?”
Cass looked up at the wall and shrugged. “Yeah. It’s a mural.”
“No, Cassidy. Do you see? You’ve taken simple lines and curves and, with a paintbrush, you turned them into something incredible. Do you know what I can do with a paintbrush? Absolutely nothing,” she answered before Cassidy could say anything. “You don’t need a fancy school to be smart. You don’t need a white coat to be successful. You, Cassidy, are talented beyond anything I’ve ever seen. You have the attention of one of the most influential and respected people in the art industry.”
“Because of you,” Cass muttered and shuffled her feet.
“No, because of you. Eve wouldn’t give you this chance because I asked her to. She’s giving it to you because you deserve it.”
Cass looked at her mural again. “It’s always been a hobby or a way to pay bills,” she said at length. “No one has ever really taken me seriously, and I guess that made me not take it too seriously.” She brought her gaze to Rebecca. “You do. I want to make you proud without embarrassing you in front of your friends.”
Rebecca raised a brow. “You do make me proud. Though, I think you have a very skewed idea of my life. Do you know who my closest friends are other than Eve?” Cassidy shook her head. “Hunter, who was my surgeon, and Patty and Mo who were my nurses. That’s it. After Samantha, I couldn’t trust anyone else, Cassidy. I didn’t want to let anyone in who could possibly hurt me. So, you see? You’ve broken all of my rules.”
Wow. Cass felt sad for Rebecca, but not sorry for her. If she were to examine her own life, she would see that most of her friends were mere acquaintances. Sure, she had those friends who were always up for a party. But, if she were to call them now just to talk, would they have anything to say to each other?
“Rules are made to be broken,” Cass said, bringing Rebecca closer to her. “Thank you for letting me in, baby.”
Rebecca smiled. “I don’t think I had a choice, Cassidy.” She tugged Cassidy’s head down for a heartfelt kiss and moaned when Cassidy picked her up. Wrapping her legs around Cassidy’s waist, she gazed at her lover through lowered lashes.
“I love that you can do this.”
“Me, too,” Cass grinned, then frowned when Rebecca place her fingers over her lips when she went in for another kiss.
“I have one question before we get too distracted.”
“You’re a little too late, but shoot.”
Rebecca lifted her chin at the mural. The mermaid was still faceless, but still, she wondered. “Was it me?”