Page 94 of Becoming
“For you, I have,” she checked her appointment book, then the clock, “ten.” The normally good-natured Cass looked so downtrodden that Willamena considered rescheduling her next appointment. “What can I help you with?”
“Do you ever get tired of people coming to you with their stupid problems?”
Willamena tsked. “First of all, no problem is stupid. Well, almost no problem. Second, what kind of psychiatrist would I be if I didn’t want to help people through their toughest times?”
“Not a very good one?” Cass guessed, receiving a smile and a nod from Aunt Wills in return. “I’m really fucking things up with Rebecca. I think she’s going to leave me and with this damn anger I have, I can’t blame her.”
Willamena frowned. “Cassidy?”
Oh, that sounded like Cass’s mom when Cass got in trouble. And Cass realized how what she just said sounded. “No, no. Nothing like that. I haven’t hurt her. I mean, not physically. But I’m being a real dick and she’s over it.”
“Our Rebecca certainly isn’t one to take dickery for that long,” Willamena said with a straight face. She was sure it was a rarity that Cass Giles was angry or depressed for long. She had to admit to being a little distressed by it. Though Rebecca had told her side of what happened recently, Willamena could clearly see there was more to Cass’s side.
“Dickery,” Cass snickered but sobered immediately. “Help me, Aunt Wills.”
“I’m assuming this has to do with Miranda.”
Cass hung her head in shame. “I see Rebecca has talked to you about it. Probably telling you how much of a bitch I’m being.”
“Actually, she’s told me very little. I imagine she’s done that for your benefit as well as Miranda’s husband’s. She told me that she mentioned my name to Connor and didn’t want to influence me in any way.” Willamena hesitated, wondering how much she should reveal. Certain that Rebecca would be okay with her telling Cass a few things, she continued. “She called me as a preventive measure. She was afraid that the nightmares she had just gotten over would come back because of the subject matter you both are dealing with now.”
“Shit. I didn’t even think about that.” Cass flopped back and rubbed her face with frustration. “I’ve been fucking selfish lately.”
“Cass, would you like to tell me your side before continuing on with your self-deprecation?”
Cass reluctantly told Aunt Wills all about how she had been duped by her so-called best friend. She even told her about their early days together and how it all made sense now to Cass what Rand was doing. She couldn’t believe she had been so damned blind. Every little lie and manipulation was so fucking clear in hindsight.
“Your anger stems not only from recent events but from your past?” Willamena asked carefully.
“Yeah, I guess. She played me like a fucking violin. I can see now how she played the damsel in distress every chance she got. If there wasn’t drama, she would create it. Of course, I didn’t see that then. And this shit she’s been doing to Connor. How the fuck did I miss that? So fucking clueless,” she muttered with a shake of the head.
“May I ask you a question?”
Almost as though she forgot she was on a Skype call with Rebecca’s aunt/therapist, Cass’s head popped up. “Um, yeah.”
“Do you think I’m clueless?” Willamena asked pointedly.
“Of course not!”
“But I’m a professional, Cass. I am highly trained to see patterns in people that help me determine who they are. I literally do this for a living. Yet, I had no idea what was happening to my own niece. The person I love the most in this world.”
Cass sputtered. “But—but that’s different!”
“Why?”
“Because you weren’t here with her! You didn’t see her every day or spend time with the both of them, Aunt Wills. Not like I did with Rand and Connor. She was my best friend!”
“And Rebecca is my niece!” Willamena shouted back in a rare show of frustration. “I know her. I should have seen it. I should have heard it in her voice. I should have known when she stopped calling me.” The doctor sat back in her own chair and smoothed her already impeccable hair. “We both have to come to terms with the fact that we can’t see what someone doesn’t want us to see. Even me. My very limited knowledge of Miranda tells me she’s manipulative and narcissistic. Someone like that is very good at hiding the truth from people. Particularly those closest to her. Do you think her parents had any clue she was abusive?”
Cass pictured Mr. and Mrs. Loring. Nice people. Perhaps a bit too doting on their only daughter, but Cass didn’t think they’d cover up something like this. And she certainly didn’t think they could lie well enough. Hell, Cass remembered back when she had first come out. She went over to Rand’s like she did every day, but for the first time ever, she was turned away. Rand’s parents answered the door which should have been Cass’s first clue that something was up. They were uncomfortable, stumbling over their words as they told Cass that Rand was sick. She learned later that they had concerns about Rand being around a lesbian. Rand gave them hell for that. It was the one genuine thing Cass could give Rand credit for. It took them a while to come around, but it happened eventually. Whatever their hang-ups were about Cass’s sexuality, she didn’t see them ever condoning an abusive daughter.
“No. Okay, I get it. I have no fault in this.” That was actually harder to say than she thought it would be. Knowing and feeling something are totally different. “How do I get all of this,” she swirled her hands around her head and heart, “on the same page.”
“Based on what Rebecca has told me, you’re not going to like my answer.”
“Lay it on me, doc.”
“You need to talk to Miranda.”