Page 90 of Full Service

“Lee! These are more than buns out! My balls are dangling.”

“Oh, really? Show me,” he says, and I peer out of the bathroom at him.

“There is no way I can wear these out in public. This is indecent.”

“Well, how can I decide if they are if you hide in there?”

I glower at him and watch as his eyes positively twinkle. “Fine, Lee, you pervert. You want to see my nuts. Go right ahead.”

I step out and let them dangle. Like ornaments on a tree.

Lee giggles and slaps a hand over his eyes. “Good lord, boy. Put those away.”

“I don’t think I will!” I reply, feeling defiant now. Maybe I should make sure everyone sees my balls. Maybe this is what they get.

A ball sac ribbon dance.

“Silas!” Lee says with a wheeze. “Change those shorts. You are going to scare everyone away.”

“Good. Let them see my goods. You bought me these shorts and insisted I wear them. This is your fault.”

“It was a joke.”

“Yes, well, joke’s on you, old man. I quite like them,” I lie. “I just need the ribbons to complete the outfit. I can put some on my balls too.”

“Do not do that!” Lee says with another wheeze.

“I will!”

Lee’s face is red, tears streaming down his face.

“You wouldn’t.”

But oh, I will. I’m fully committed now. Damnable Lee and his silly shorts.

LoveJoy is thrilled with this new development though. Of course he is. He’s not bothered at all by the fact that when he appears, I ask him, straight-faced, to put ribbons on my privates.

He grins widely and waggles his eyebrows.

“Fabulous! I love your imagination. And I love the shorts. Very indecent, Dr. Sinclair.”

I frown at him, hating that he’s reminding me that I’m a professor and should most definitely not be prancing around in hot pants with ribbons on my balls, but here we are.

It’s not like my students hang out with these old people.

I can wear my ribbons with dignity.

“Yes, I’m very imaginative. That’s me.”

LoveJoy grins widely at me. “Wonderful. Now let me decorate the rest of your body with these. You two are going to make waves.”

“I hope I drown,” I say, watching as LoveJoy attaches ribbons to my arms and legs, and when he gets to my balls, I just roll my eyes to the ceiling and let him have at it.

I have made a terrible mistake. A huge, no-good mistake by letting LoveJoy tie these ribbons to my balls. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn, but here I am, waiting to go on stage with Lee and regretting all my life choices.

“I need to go back and change out of these,” I say, the ribbons tickling my inner thighs as they blow in the slight breeze from the open windows.

“You can’t. We go on next,” Lee says, pulling a comb from the pocket of his walker and brushing it through his hair.