Page 16 of Invidia
It seemed too rude to ask why, so I kept my mouth shut, but I was definitely a little baffled by it. Evrin seemed friendly enough, albeit a little introverted. He was certainly a lot more even-keeled than many of the Shades I’d encountered here at court.
“So, um. Until next time, I guess?” I said with my brightest, most charming laugh.
“Whenever you want me,” Evrin agreed simply, before disappearing out through the portal.
I waited a few seconds—just enough time to work myself up into a state—before following, finding the pathway completely empty, just as Evrin had predicted. It didn’t quite feel like the walk of shame as I made my way back to Elverston House because I wasn’t ashamed. I was maybe a smidge resentful, though.
What was wrong with me that it would be so terrible to be seen walking around with me? I wasn’t some great beauty or anything, but plenty of Shades at court were interested in me. I wasn’t a complete bridge troll.
I wanted Evrin. I wanted the chemistry we had, and the sense of peace I experienced around him, and the unfiltered conversations we had.
But I wanted him to want me just as much, and given how easily he’d agreed to a nonexclusive, sex-only arrangement…
I was definitely going to get my heart broken, and I wasn’t strong enough to stop it.
Shit, shit, shit.
Austin was here.
My cousin had stumbled into the shadow realm—drunk and a little stupid—and I’d made such a poor impression in front of the royal Shades when I was explaining about his career and our family relationship. Plus, I’d probably offended Austin, who didn’t deserve it, even if he was a bit rash and impulsive sometimes.
“Are you okay?” Meera asked, gently touching my arm. I startled back before pasting a bright smile on my face.
“Of course.” I forced out a laugh. “It’s just so on-brand for Austin to show up here like this. I can’t believe I was surprised. I should have seen it coming.”
Meera nodded, seeing more than I wanted her to see. “Why don’t you go for a walk? That always clears your head.”
If my face went crimson at the reminder of the almost daily “walks” I’d been going on, Meera politely didn’t call me out on it. Instead, I just nodded and scampered away to the garden, knowing that if I just found a little corner in the garden to be anxious in, Evrin would find his way to me. He always did. I suspected he kept a closer eye on me than I realized he did, but just always far enough away that no one would see us together.
When we were together, that was fine. I wasn’t thinking about anything except Evrin when it was just the two of us.
It was on my own that my head started to get all loud and questiony. Like maybe I didn’t entirely love being a dirty little secret. Maybe it would be nice to be able to walk into dinner with Evrin, hand-in-hand, the way the king and queen did. Or even just to walk next to each other, lovingly eye fucking the whole time, the way Soren and Astrid did.
But those things weren’t on the cards for me and it would be stupid to dwell on them.
I huddled underneath something that vaguely resembled a small willow tree that did nothing to give me the sense of dark confinement I wanted, but it was as good as it was going to get in the palace gardens, which were always well maintained for security purposes.
“Hey.” I exhaled in relief as Evrin poked his head through the hanging branches, giving me a bemused look. His hair flopped forward, hiding what I now knew to be stumps where his horns should have been. He was clearly self-conscious about it, and while it seemed a little crazy in hindsight that I hadn’t noticed his lack of horns before I’d touched his head, I still struggled to be mindful of that fact.
He looked so attractive, just as he was. Who cared if he didn’t have horns?
“This can’t be working for you,” Evrin said, his voice filled with a soft affection that made my heart melt as he gestured at the far too-open space I was attempting to disassociate in.
“Not even a little.”
“Come on, then. I’ll meet you down by the entry room by the barracks.”
I all but squealed at the prospect of my Evrin fix, giving him a small head start before meandering down there myself.
The moment I had the door shut behind me, Evrin was on me. I squeal-laughed as he hoisted me into the air, pressing my back against the dark wall of the entry room and dipping his nose to my neck to inhale deeply.
Maybe this will be the moment he loses control and bites me, I thought hopefully, somewhat aware of how deranged the idea was, but not dismissing it from my mind.
“I missed you,” he murmured, securing me a little tighter in his grip before pulling me off the wall and strolling into the in-between. I wrapped my legs as tightly around his waist as I could get them, slick already pooling in my panties just from the fact that he was holding me.
Not to mention the words. I missed you. That had to mean something, right? He wouldn’t have said that to just anyone.
“I missed you too,” I replied, my voice muffled as I hid my face in his neck, hoping the desperation in my voice wasn’t as all-consuming as it was in my head. “I hoped you would come and find me.”