Page 81 of Princess of Air
The Queen’s glare could cut steel as we file into her study. Her imperious posture and narrowed mouth give her the appearance of being battle ready as thoroughly as armor would. Her fury, I can handle. Father looks disappointed, though. Disappointment is always my undoing. I drop my gaze from his and take a seat.
Silence hangs over us, more torturous than anything likely to be said. It’s as if we’re all children again. I tap my teeth together and swirl wind around my hands. Never have I been so grateful to have the invisible element. The others can’t fiddle with theirs unnoticed.
“First, Arabella disappears.” Mother’s voice startles me, her stern glare fixed on me. “An action as foolish and headstrong as it was dangerous. Then, the rest of you find this to be such a wonderful idea, you follow suit.”
“What were you thinking?” Father’s question could be asked of nearly everything I’ve done for the past year.
I swallow and take a breath. “Ceraun needs our protection. Penum is not hostile toward us because they know they’re no match for us. Ceraun has sided with us which probably drew Penum’s wrath. They must see that Ceraun will also be defended.”
“As we were going to illustrate by sending the Highbluff fleet.” Mother folds her hands and rubs her wrist with her thumb. “Do you think Alchos is protected in its entirety by having magic here in the capital? It isn’t as if we keep the four of you posted around our borders. When do you think I ever fought an enemy?”
“Alchos’ strength is renowned from generations past.” I keep my voice level, but if my sanity wasn’t already in question, it would be now for arguing with her. “It’s known that we are impenetrable. Ceraun does not boast that reputation yet.”
“Urian may be foolish enough to believe you alone, and someday your child, will be enough to make his kingdom strong, but I thought you were smarter than that.”
Mother’s words make me draw back. Not enough? My magic is the only thing that might be enough, the only thing I’m good at. I’d have been a wretched wife, an uncouth foreign queen, unfit in every way. But at least I could have been a shield.
“That’s not to diminish your abilities,” Father says as if he can read my thoughts. “But a kingdom cannot depend solely on magic or one person. Alchos’ strength does not come only from the powers in this family.”
This makes the lot of us squirm, our collective ego probably a touch inflated. We all enjoy feeling powerful. There’s no use denying that. Our display in Dockerly probably didn’t help matters.
“So,” Mother says, “you went to Ceraun because you felt the need to defend your future kingdom?”
“Yes. Jamys felt he needed to be there and pointed out that this was why they need me.” This isn’t the time to tell her I’ve informed Jamys and his father that it won’t be my future kingdom. They’re angry enough without knowing I may have shattered that alliance.
“Again, do not buy into their belief that you can do it all on your own.”
“But I can. I was.” I don’t even want that anymore but having my ability to do it questioned makes me bristle. “I had the siege perfectly in hand before the rest of them came.”
Mother glances around at my siblings who are much smarter than me in keeping their heads down. “Yes, the next mistake made. Why is it that when I was already frantically dealing with the disappearance of your sister and Prince Jamys, the rest of you decided to compound my problems by leaving yourselves?”
Rylan clears his throat. “We were worried about Ara. We acted in haste, and I’m sorry for that.”
His motivation wasn’t quite so noble, but I won’t accuse him of it here. We’re all in enough shit already.
“I expect more,” Mother says. “From all of you. Marcus’ idea to have another child to be my heir looked rather tempting this week.”
Don’t smile. Don’t smile. Don’t smile.
“In three days, three of you will be trying to prove yourselves worthy of my throne. Start acting like you have some sense.”
I find my voice—it’s meeker than I prefer, but that’s probably for the best. “Is there any news on the missing people in—”
“Oh, do you care about that now?” Mother’s words crack like a whip, and I collapse into myself. “It’s rather difficult to accomplish anything when I’m stretched so thin, Arabella. Tracking down runaway royals takes resources which could be otherwise utilized for another of our mounting problems. Perhaps you could keep that in mind before you jump at the next reckless opportunity you’re presented with.”
Eyes downcast, I nod.
“You’re dismissed.”
As I climb the stairs, I realize this misery is at least a trade from my other ones. The distraction from my personal problems is short lived, though. The instant I step into my rooms, the sight of the sofa where I decided I’d pursue a future with Tomas sends me reeling. I was so certain…
Tears flow again.
I collapse face first onto my bed, wishing it would consume me. My failures replay in my mind on an endless loop. What’s left for me? I’ve been refused everything I want, and I’ve rejected everything that wants me. Despite the cyclical depressing thoughts, sleep claims me eventually.
Unfortunately, it’s not a restful sleep. I wake even more tired than I was to begin with. I sit up and stretch forward over my legs. There is so much to deal with from the past couple of weeks.
The first item on my list is my betrothal. I’ve already told Jamys in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t marry him, plus I told Urian off who would be a brute to live with regardless. Securing the end to our betrothal is the priority.