Page 46 of Skipping Stones

The kettle whistled and Derek poured himself a big mug of tea. “Sorry, can’t. I have to get home too. Olivia’s having a tough time still.” His stomach growled loudly.

“At least join me for dinner,” Aiden said. “Burgers and fries. On me. Olivia can manage without you for an extra hour. And the case can wait until tomorrow.”

Sensing he wouldn’t win this one, Derek poured his hot tea down the drain. “Fine.” He scratched the stubble on his chin. “But just a quick dinner.”

At the aging diner, they ordered and talked sports. Derek yawned.

“Am I boring you?”

Derek yawned again. “Sorry. There’s just so much on my plate right now. And Ivy’s not sleeping through the night yet. It’s a lot.” Their meal arrived, and they dug in. “When did we do this last?” Derek mused as he sprinkled malt vinegar on his fries.

“Too long,” said Aiden. “I know you’re overwhelmed, but you need to carve out some time for yourself. You’ve got Zuzanna. You should be able to do that.

Derek nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes.” He took a bite of his burger. “I’d forgotten how good these are. I might need basketball if I eat them more often.”

Aiden laughed heartily. “I like the way you think. Can I tell the guys you’ll be back soon?”

“Give me a few more weeks until the baby’s sleeping, but yes. I’ve missed the game too.”

* * *

Ivy was three months old, and Leo closing in on his second birthday when Derek came home late one Friday night to find Olivia sitting quietly in the darkened living room with a suitcase beside her. Zuzanna’s weekend had begun and she wouldn’t be back until Sunday evening.

“Kids in bed?” he asked as he kicked off his shoes and loosened his tie.

Olivia nodded silently, and he noticed the tracks of dried tears on his wife’s face. He leaned down to kiss her gently, and she stiffened.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said flatly.

Derek was confused. “Can’t do what?

“I can’t be a mother. Don’t you see? I’m trapped here. This is not who I’m supposed to be. I have to leave.”

“What?”

“I’ve taken a job in the New York office. I was never cut out to be a mother.” She looked up at him. “You’re an amazing father. You light up whenever Leo or Ivy are around. When I look at them, all I see is years and years of drudgery, my partnership slipping further and further away, and years before I get back to being me. You’ll all be better off when I’m gone.”

Derek stood frozen in front of her as she continued. “This isn’t who I am. I should never have let you talk me into having children. I’m not mother material.” Her voice was void of emotion as she stood up.

“But—” Derek trailed off, finding it difficult to find words, but his eyes were wild with panic as her words sank in. “You … you can’t go. Let’s see a counsellor. Let’s get some more help. I love you. You love them. You’re their mother! You’re my wife! You can’t just leave.” His voice cracked.

“I’ve seen a therapist. I’ve been seeing someone for months. Since before Ivy was born. And yes, I have to leave. To get myself back. For my own sanity.” Her voice broke. “It’s best for all of us.” She picked up her suitcase and walked to the door before turning around and clearing her throat. “Don’t try to find me. I have to start again. I love you, Derek, but I just can’t do this. I’m so sorry.” And with that, she strode out of their condo and shut the door firmly behind her.

“Olivia!” Derek’s voice echoed through the living room. He opened the door, but she was already in the elevator. “Olivia! Don’t go!” He could hear his voice, strident and tormented, echo through the hallway. The elevator door closed. His wife—the love of his life—had left him and their children. Just like that. Just like his father had left him and his mother behind. He stumbled back into the condo and collapsed on the couch. This could not be happening.

It was the sound of the baby crying hours later that startled him out of his shock. Robotically, Derek prepared the formula, sat down in the rocking chair in the nursery, and fed his daughter. His motherless daughter.

“She’ll be back,” he promised Ivy as he rocked her to sleep. “I’m sure she’ll be back.”

So confident of this was Derek, that he didn’t even text Linney. He took the kids out on Saturday morning as usual and then brought them home for an afternoon nap. He kept checking his phone, expecting a message of apology from an embarrassed Olivia. She’d be so sorry she’d frightened him. She’d say she hadn’t been thinking clearly, and that she was on her way home. Of course, she loved her children. And him. She’d never actually leave them all. Surely, she’d never do to him what his own father had done.

But the call never came.

Derek dialled her number on Sunday morning. The phone rang and then the robotic voice of the cell phone provider said, “The number you’re trying to reach is not in service. Le numéro que vous—” Derek’s face went as white as his knuckles. What had Olivia done?

As he fed the children on Sunday evening, Derek finally faced the reality that Olivia might actually have left them. He called his boss and explained there was a family emergency, and that he’d need at least a few days off work. Then he called Zuzanna and told their nanny—his nanny, he realized—to take a week off. Derek needed time alone to figure out what was next. He put the kids to bed, promising them their mummy loved them, and then sat in the dark in the living room staring out over the waterfront. How on earth was he going to find the words to explain to people what had happened to his family?