Page 16 of I Love My Mistake
“I don’t know Jess, I think when you meet him, it’s pretty clear. Maybe not at first, but after awhile, it should be.”
“Yeah,” she says, thinking about something. The bartender gives me our drinks. As I hand her hers, she gets really serious. Uh oh. “Nicole?”
I brace myself. “Yeah?”
She pauses, reticent, then looks me directly in the eyes to where I cannot escape. “Do you think Michael is the one? Is that why you never talk about him… why we haven’t met him?”
I laugh and frown at her, like she just said the craziest thing in the world. “What? No! Now why would I hide a guy from you? I told you guys already. He’s just a guy I share a loft with. He’s giving me a rate I can’t refuse and I’m never there when he is.” Even I can hear how fast I said all that. I never talk fast.
Jess notices, but doesn’t pry. If she were Amber, she’d ask more questions, but Jess looks at me like she knows more than I’m telling and she’ll let me tell it when I’m ready. We break eye contact and look around the place, not sure where to take the conversation. Ah hell, I have to talk to someone about it. Why haven’t I confided in my girlfriends, yet? I should talk to her about him, tell her he makes my soul hot – that there’s something about us that feels like I’ve known him in a past life or something and we’re working out problems for that one, too, and not just this one. That it’s bigger than I can handle.
I touch her arm and she looks at me. But then I see Josh and Amber returning and my chance is gone. I motion for Jessica to turn around and look.
Josh does some really cute stuff that lets us know that while he is absconding with our girl, she’s in safe hands. He wins both Jess and I over instantly, and when they leave together, we stare after them. Jess catches my face.
“You okay?” her eyes search mine, worried. I must be wearing my feelings on my sleeve. That’s not like me at all. Is it?
“Yeah. Totally. I’m just really happy for her.”
“Hey. Look at me,” Jess says, and I can see she didn’t buy my casual brushoff for an instant. “You’re going to find him, Nicole. You will. You’re too amazing a girl not to be snatched up.”
The second I hear her say that, a thought slithers from the recesses of my mind… she doesn’t know you’re broken. I order it to shut the fuck up. But it’s too late. You can’t un-hear what you hear.
I reach out and squeeze her hand. “Thank you. You, too. David or no David. Your man is coming.”
“Now, let’s get wasted. What do you say?”
I whoop, “I’m all aboard that boat!” We clink glasses and I take a sip to wash away whatever it is I’m freaked out about, and happy for the distraction. How she can turn sadness into laughter is beyond me. I love her for it. It’s a gift. Maybe she’s right. I’ll find him. Maybe I already have.
And if I haven’t…what’s the rush? I’m young… ish.