Page 56 of I Love My Mistake

Chapter Twenty-Five

4:44 a.m.

Opening my eyes, I remember quickly where I am and what happened. I peel my body up, sore from sleeping on wood, and drag myself to the bathroom. Turning hot water on in the tub, I flip over the bottle of bubble bath and drain all of its contents into the steaming stream. As the bubbles rise, I slather on facial soap, taking extra long to circle it into my pores, all over my face and even my lips. I want to wash away Michael. I want to wash away my weakness for him. Just thinking about it crushes me because the yearning for him isn’t gone. Not by a long shot. I slide out of my clothes, tie up my hair and bring my phone in so I can find my opera playlist, hoping desperately for its healing powers. My softest hand towel gets folded into a rectangle and I carry it into the bath. I lower myself into the scorching hot water faster than I should. I want it to hurt. I want to burn him off of me. Sliding the towel under my neck, I wedge it between my head and the ceramic rim. With Lady Lorraine singing just to me, and with suds all around and rising fast, I close my eyes and say a little prayer for help.

I don’t get out until the water cools so much, that I can’t stand it anymore.

When I finally crawl into bed and fall asleep… I dream of earthquakes.