Page 48 of Rough

“Where the hell are you going?” I called out behind him.

Felix opened the front door and stepped outside into the hallway.

“Somewhere that I’m wanted, and that place is clearly not here.” He slammed the door with a finality that rocked my bones.

I didn’t go after him. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt rooted to the floor. I was trapped inside my own head, and my temper and thoughts had temporarily paralyzed me. I couldn’t spring into action and race after him like they did in the movies. I could only stand there, stunned at how quickly the argument had escalated.

I began pacing the floors, mainly because I didn’t know what else I should do. The movement helped me release the toxic energy festering inside me. I was brooding, and I needed some space until my head cleared.

I walked to the treadmill I had in my guest room and switched it on. I started running on it, and before long I had jogged the equivalent of three miles. I was sweaty and fatigued but calmer. I didn’t feel as severed from my body as I had been before.

Felix had made the right decision to leave me alone and let me work out the kinks of my problems by myself for a little while. Once I finally calmed down, it was clear that I had overreacted.

I had handled the situation poorly, and Felix deserved an apology for my behavior. There was no excuse for it, so I grabbed my keys and raced over to his apartment as quickly as I could. I hoped that I’d be able to undo some of the damage I had done.

Felix answered the door looking sullen but willing to hear me out, which brought me immense relief.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for the way I acted this morning,” I confessed cautiously.

“It’s fine.” Felix crossed his arms.

His body language didn’t reflect that it was fine, but I kept talking anyway, hoping that I would break through to him eventually.

I was still standing in the hallway outside of his apartment. “Is it okay if I come in for a minute? I don’t have to stay long. I just want to give you an explanation, because I feel like I owe you that much.”

Felix’s expression softened somewhat. “All right,” he muttered and reluctantly stepped aside to let me in.

He closed the door behind us, and we walked to his living room and sat down next to each other on the couch.

I lightly touched my hand to his knee. I felt him stiffen, but I didn’t release my hand. I wanted him to feel connected to my touch.

I exhaled slowly. “I realize that you were just looking out for me before.”

Felix stared at me. If it were any other time, I might have tried to dissect the blank way he was looking at me, but now wasn’t the time. I needed to make this right.

“I feel like I need to deal with this Nelson situation in the best way that I know how,” I explained.

“What way is that?” Felix’s lips curled cynically in the corners.

I tried to ignore his skeptical reaction so I wouldn’t get angry again. “I just need to handle it myself. It’s my business, not yours. I don’t want you to feel like it’s your responsibility to dig me out of this hole I’m in.”

“Can I just say one thing first?” Felix asked.

I nodded. Who was I to deny him freedom of speech? I didn’t want to become the same bully I had always tried to escape from as a child.

“Of course, you can say anything you want,” I said and managed to give him a smile. “We don’t always have to agree with everything each other says, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have our own opinions.”

Felix cleared his throat, opened his mouth to retort, but must have thought better of whatever it was because he quickly clamped it shut again.

He stood up. I looked up at him. I didn’t know why I felt panicked at that moment, but I did. Maybe I sought his approval more than I realized.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get my laptop. I think it’s best if I show you what I’ve been trying to say all along.”

My heart pounded, but I didn’t show any apprehension on the surface. “All right.”

Felix walked to his office down the hall and came back a few seconds later. I was anxious. My palms felt clammy. I had no idea what he was going to show me, but I already knew I wasn’t going to like it.