Page 94 of Not You Again

I chew on my lip, unsure how to explain that I originally signed up for the show for money. That Kit thought I should be filming to preserve my shot at it. That I think he matters more than the money, but he won’t listen to me. I’m not sure how to do that, so I ask, “Did he ever tell you we dated before? In college?”

“Truly?” Maureen’s eyebrows shoot up.

I nod. “It was only a few months, and we broke up, but I was surprised to see him at the altar. How could this man who left me all those years ago be my perfect match, you know?”

“Left you?”

“We were dating right before … right before Harry passed.” I look at our hands overlapping—mine rough and calloused, hers pale and fragile. “One night, I told him that I loved him. He couldn’t say it back. And we were young, you know? I was really hurt that he didn’t feel the same way I did. I shut him out. Then he left to be with you. I thought he was just … putting distance between us.”

Maureen nods and pats my hand gently. Like a mother would. It brings tears to my eyes. I wipe one away with my sleeve. Voice thick, I tell her, “Last night I told him I loved him, and he … he couldn’t say it back. Again.”

“Sweetheart.” Maureen stretches to grab me a tissue from the table next to her hospital bed. She hands it to me, then pushes some hair out of my face. Her hand is warm and gentle. Safe. “He may not have been able to say it, but I know he loves you.”

I shake my head. “He can’t.” If he did, he wouldn’t still be itching to leave. He wouldn’t have told me to keep filming yesterday and to stay away from the hospital. He wouldn’t have sent me away this morning.

“I saw you two together,” she insists. When I say nothing in return, she sighs deeply. “How much has he told you about how he grew up?”

I shrug. “He told me you didn’t have much as a family.”

“We didn’t.” Maureen looks over my shoulder, thinking for a moment. “I’m afraid that Kit somehow got it into his head that love only means sacrifice.”

“What do you mean?” I wipe my nose with my sleeve again, despite the tissue Maureen provided.

“We gave up a lot for him.” She looks me in the eyes. “For each other. It’s how we loved each other when we had very little. One Christmas when he was about ten, he said he didn’t want any presents for himself. He wanted me and Harry to have something nice instead.”

I can’t help but smile. “That sounds like him.”

“After Harry passed, he doubled down and worked so damn hard.”

I nod. “He was always studying. Always pushing.”

“He worked so hard to build this life that meant we never had to worry about money.” Maureen sighs. “But what I think he missed is: the money doesn’t matter if you can’t enjoy the life you have. I’d hoped he learned that growing up, but instead he feels responsible. For everyone. All the time.”

My lips tug into a half grin. “He does. He’s protective of you. He thinks I need to be taken care of or I’ll starve, or something. Like I haven’t survived somehow without him this long.”

“I don’t think it’s about survival.” Maureen purses her lips. “I think he doesn’t want us to struggle. He wants us to thrive. He wants to share all that he’s built but doesn’t know how.”

I frown. “I asked him to stay in Atlanta. I told him I wouldn’t, but I did.”

“What did he say to that?” She squeezes my hand.

I look at the floor. “He asked me to come to Italy with him for his next assignment.”

“You own your own business, don’t you?”

I nod. “I can’t leave. My life is here. And you’re here, too. I thought he’d—” I can’t help the sob that bursts from me. I bury my face in my hands while Maureen strokes my hair, gently shushing me like she would a child. “Now we can’t talk to each other until decision day, and I need him to know I love him. Even though he couldn’t say it back, I love him.”

“Kit’s always done things the hard way.” Maureen soothes. “But he’ll make the right decision in the end. He always does.”

FIRST LOOK AT FOREVER

SEASON THREE

EPISODE SIXTEEN

PRODUCER:

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