Page 43 of Fame And Secrets
Chapter Sixteen
Phoebe
A small cry slipped out as the sand fell between my fingers. Reaching beside me, I grasped the basket of strawberries settled in my lap.
God, this is hard.
It took all I had in me to not run back to the car and beg Ty to slam on the gas. But I’d come here for a reason, and maybe if I went through with it, I could rebuild the peace I’d lost.
The last seven years flashed through my mind like a slide show. Things she’d missed: my high school graduation, winning Teen Miss Iris Festival, move-in day at Dreighton University, making it on my own in New York City, and now the impending birth of her grandchild. I hadn’t let her death hurt in a long time. The wall I’d built had withstood the emotions behind it.
But the wall had cracked, and I started rambling as if she sat beside me.
“Hi, Mom. I’m sorry it’s been so long since we’ve talked. I could say I’ve been busy, but who isn’t? The truth is, I didn’t want to talk. Oh god, I can’t believe I said that.” I palmed my forehead in shame. “It’s been too much to deal with. So much has happened, so much that—god, so much I needed you here for, Mom.”
Opening my eyes, my private moment momentarily paused as a Frisbee landed a few inches away and buried itself in the sand. Within seconds, a supermodel bounced her way toward me and pointed to it.
“I’m sorry, Matt got a little throw-happy. Do you mind?”
Sniffling, I plastered on a fake smile and handed it her. “No problem.”
“Hey, are you all right?” she said, tilting her head.
Wiping my face, I nodded and forced a laugh. “Yeah, I’m allergic to sand.”
Totally lame. She’ll never buy that load of crap.
“Oh, okay,” she said, bouncing back toward the surf. She threw a hand up in a halfhearted wave and disappeared.
Guess I’m good at selling crap.
I gripped handfuls of sand and held my arms up high. Opening my fingers, I let the sand fall through slowly as if trickling through an hourglass. “I’ve always had to take the path less traveled, remember? This guy I’m involved with, he’s…well, he’s kind of famous. It’s been a different life for me the past year. I moved to New York, then to LA. We broke up and got back together more times than I care to remember, but one thing never changed. I love him.”
Closing my eyes, I let the words come out that I’d been needing to say. “Mom, I’m having his baby, and I’m scared. This baby is so important to both of us.” I shook my head as if she could see me. “I wasn’t fair to him in the beginning either. I didn’t tell him about it. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. The last thing I wanted was to ruin his career.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed the tears to stop falling—to turn the faucet of emotion off, but I knew it was impossible. It was time for truth. “Dad’s here. He’s hurt more innocent people because of me, and now he’s in Los Angeles. I knew being with Julian was dangerous, but I never imagined Dad would risk being arrested just to come after me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to Chloe. There’s been too much bad blood with my big sister lately. I have no one to help me and no one to talk to, Mom. I’m so fucking alone.”
Running a hand through my hair, I chuckled as I remembered the way she’d always pull my hand away, telling me I’d eventually go bald. She had her quirks, as all good Southern moms did; forcing me into the pageant circuit being one of them. But she had a good heart and loved me unconditionally. Although, it didn’t stop her from attempting to groom me to be “husband ready.”
“Phoebe Nicole…you’re too impulsive for your own good, you know that? Someday you’re going to make some man prematurely gray.”
Tears dripped down my cheek. As I reached to wipe them away, more had already fallen. This was ridiculous. She’d been gone a long time, and I was a grown-ass woman. Rubbing both hands across my eyes, I sniffled and pushed backward…straight into a hard chest.
Eyes still focused on the sand, I sighed and muttered impatiently. “Damn it, Ty, I said you didn’t have to stand guard.”
A familiar thumb raked across my cheek from behind, catching the last falling tear. “You’re not alone, princess.”
Holding back the impending breakdown proved to be a bigger challenge than I’d anticipated as images of future milestones swirled in my head. “I miss my mom, Julian.” On a whisper, I offered up my real reason for coming here. “I could use her advice right now.” He enveloped me against his broad chest, and for the first time in weeks, his presence calmed the storm that’d become my life.
“I’m so sorry. I should’ve known.”
Wiping a hand across my cheek, I sniffled and fought to regain control. I found myself biting my lip so hard, I pierced the skin. “How could you? I didn’t tell you.”
His hand trailed up and down my back in a show of support. “What’s with the sand?”
My bottom lip trembled again. “When my mom died, my father refused to pay for a casket and a plot, much less a funeral. Chloe and I didn’t have a dime between us, so the medical examiner’s office cremated her.” My eyes blurred as I glanced at the miles of sand in front of me. “We grew up on the beaches of North Carolina. My mom was the happiest when it was just her, Chloe, and me goofing off in the sand with some stupid buckets and shovels she’d bought us behind my dad’s back. When we got the urn, Chloe and I went to Ocean Isle Beach and spread her ashes on the sand right before sunrise.” I suddenly felt embarrassed and tucked my cheek into my shoulder. “Unless you’re three miles out to sea, spreading ashes on a public beach is illegal. We had to do it before the sun rose.”
Understanding filled his voice. “Since you’re across the country from her, you thought holding sand would be the closest you could get to her?” Remembering what I’d brought, I dragged the basket toward me. His eyes watched my every move. “Strawberries?”